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Tag: the NFL

  • Overwatch 2 Left A Trail Of Broken Promises In 2023

    Overwatch 2 Left A Trail Of Broken Promises In 2023

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    In 2023, Blizzard opened up Overwatch’s world for third-party collaborations. The first was a set of skins and other cosmetics based on the anime/manga One-Punch Man, which naturally turned Overwatch’s own “one-punch man,” Doomfist, into the titular hero with a new skin. The cape is luxurious, but he’s not the only hero who got to cosplay during the event. Soldier: 76 gets to ride a bike as Mumen Rider, Kiriko’s green wig is wigging as the Terrible Tornado, and Overwatch’s resident cyborg Genji naturally becomes One-Punch Man’s cyborg Genos.

    Looking back, the collaboration was strange because One Punch Man hasn’t really been doing much as of late, with the third season still in development and the last one having come out in 2019. But there’s a surprising amount of love shown in the skins, highlight intros, and other cosmetics, as silly as it is seeing Soldier: 76 pedaling like his life depends on it.

    The second big collaboration was with K-Pop girl group Le Sserafim, and it was an absolute banger of an event. Take my hand, walk with me. Have you heard the good word of Le Sserafim’s catchy as hell bop “Perfect Night”? Have you basked in the glory of Tracer, Kiriko, Brigitte, D.Va, and Sombra geared up for a K-Pop concert, serving some of the most glamorous skins Overwatch has ever seen? And did you watch the music video, in which all the previously mentioned girlies attend a Le Sserafim concert and use their various abilities to have their own perfect night? It ruled. I’m still wearing the Sombra skin when I play her, and have no plans to take it off.

    Le Sserafim / Blizzard Entertainment

    While Blizzard looked outside of its stable for crossovers, it also looked to the other side of the office and had a Diablo crossover, as well. Moira mains rejoiced as she finally got a decent skin out of the arrangement, though the Diablo-themed co-op mode was extremely mid and tiresome. Also, John Cena showed up in a viral marketing campaign for some reason, though that had no impact on the game itself.

    Even if you don’t watch One-Punch Man or jive with Le Sserafim’s music, Overwatch 2’s collaborative events have felt meaningful, not like they’re just cheap crossovers. The team at Blizzard has done a lot to capture the vibes of its partners without it coming at the expense of its own identity. Crossovers can be exhausting, as games like Fortnite can lose their entire sense of self as they clutter their worlds with pieces of other properties. But so far, Overwatch 2 has found a happy medium in paying tribute to something within its own framework. — KS

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    Kenneth Shepard and Alyssa Mercante

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  • NFL Introduces Touching Flyover Tribute For All Veterans Of Domestic Violence

    NFL Introduces Touching Flyover Tribute For All Veterans Of Domestic Violence

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    NEW YORK—As part of an effort to take a more public approach to addressing an issue that has plagued the league in recent years, the NFL introduced touching flyover tributes this week for all veterans of domestic violence. “We know that our fans and the rest of the NFL community look to us for leadership, and we believe these flyovers are the best way to honor the victims and perpetrators of domestic violence,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, adding that the league was pleased with the half-dozen spectacles in which supersonic jets flew over stadiums while planes with banners reading “The NFL Stands with Rape Victims and Rapists” circled in the air. “Many of our players have been involved in domestic disputes that have led to violence, and we believe we should honor that. Many of these families have dealt with domestic violence over and over again, and they deserve some recognition after their years of service to a part of the league that we hold near and dear to our hearts.” The NFL added that it would also begin airing commercials during games featuring former players, as well as victims of sexual assault, speaking out against and also for domestic violence.

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  • Tyreek Hill Surprised To Discover Assault Illegal In Florida

    Tyreek Hill Surprised To Discover Assault Illegal In Florida

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    MIAMI—Following reports that he was under investigation by Miami-Dade Police for his role in a violent altercation at the Haulover Marina, Miami Dolphins wide receiver Tyreek Hill told reporters Friday that he was surprised to discover that assault is illegal in Florida. “When I knew Kansas City was going to trade me last year, there’s a reason I wanted to go a team in Florida—I was pretty sure you could kind of just do whatever here,” said Hill, adding that he even asked some of his teammates on the Dolphins whether it was okay to do something like hit a man in the back of the head without facing any kind of punishment, and they agreed that it was probably fine in Florida, and definitely in Miami. “I thought Florida was, like, the place where you went when you wanted to cause unwarranted physical harm to another person without getting in trouble. Maybe someone could double-check, because it doesn’t sound right that you can get arrested for assault here. Or maybe I’m mixing it up with sexual assault. Shit. That’s definitely got to be legal in Florida, right? Otherwise, what is even the point of this state? If you want to live somewhere where you’re apparently not allowed to commit assault, you can always go to Kansas City. Shit, maybe this is one of those states where you have to be married to the person if you want to legally smack them around.” Hill told reporters that even if he is arrested and convicted of assault, he wasn’t worried about being suspended, saying that there is absolutely no way that the NFL has jurisdiction over players who play in Florida.

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  • NFL Medical Personnel Race For Quickest Ligament Repair During Pro Bowl Surgical Skills Challenge

    NFL Medical Personnel Race For Quickest Ligament Repair During Pro Bowl Surgical Skills Challenge

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    PARADISE, NV—Performing lateral ankle reconstruction procedures before a sold-out crowd at Allegiant Stadium, NFL medical personnel were racing for the quickest ligament repair Sunday during the Pro Bowl Surgical Skills Challenge. “While Dr. George P. Maiers of the Colts has the AFC staff out to an early lead with some quick, precise suturing, Falcons team physician Dr. Kyle Hammond has mounted a strong NFC comeback with some timely imbrication, showing why he’s one of the true game-changing surgeons in the NFL,” announcer Kirk Herbstreit said as he followed the action on the field, where the top six team doctors from each conference operated on patients in the first of eight events comprising the day-long skills challenge. “It’s close, the clock’s running down, and—oh, and the tissue forceps have been fumbled by [Cleveland Browns physician] Dr. Voos! The tissue forceps are loose, and the ankle wound is still open! There’s a scramble on the operating room floor, and they’re, yes, they’re picked up by Dr. Cooper of the Cowboys—a massive turnover so late in the operation. The NFC squad is using both sets of forceps on their patient now, and it’s tough to see how the AFC medical team will fix this torn ligament without them. A reminder to stay with us for the next stages in our skills challenge, which will measure how fast doctors can reach an injured player, diagnose him with a concussion, and get him through the protocol and back out on the field.” At press time, the contest’s referee had issued a penalty to Los Angeles Chargers team doctor David Gazzaniga for trying to anesthetize a doctor on the opposing squad.

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  • Tom Brady’s Video Game Career Dates Back To The 20th Century

    Tom Brady’s Video Game Career Dates Back To The 20th Century

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    Screenshot: MilesDawkins247

    You can hear someone tell you Tom Brady’s age (45!) and it doesn’t really hit you, because the guy still looks pretty fit and healthy. To fully grasp the length of Brady’s tenure on this Earth, then, you need to realise that the man has appeared in a video game for the PlayStation. Like, the original PlayStation.

    Brady, born in 1977, was drafted by the New England Patriots in the sixth round of the 2000 NFL draft—as the 199th pick—and spent his first season in the league as a fourth-string QB. He was so far down the NFL pecking order, in fact, that for his first appearance in MaddenMadden 01, which not only released on the PS1 but also the Nintendo 64—he wasn’t even named, he was just listed on the Patriots depth chart as “QB #12″.

    A year later, having moved up to the backup spot, he took over from the injured Drew Bledsoe, led the Patriots to a Super Bowl victory and the rest is history. Brady retires as the statistical leader in almost every category that matters for a QB, from passing yards to passing attempts to TD passes, while also leading the league in ball deflation controversies, crypto scam endorsements and weird ways to kiss your kid on the mouth.

    To celebrate his career—or, for many more of you, to celebrate his retirement, announced today—I’ve put together this slideshow showing his video game career, from those early days on the PS1 through to the NFL 2K series, Madden and some other stops in between. It won’t be every game from every year, that would be boring—and for recent Madden games incredibly repetitive—but still, it’ll be a nice little walk down memory lane. Unless you remember playing any of these first few games, in which case I’m sorry for reminding you how old you are.

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    Luke Plunkett

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  • Referee Can’t Help But Grin While Calling Penalty To Bring Back Huge Gain

    Referee Can’t Help But Grin While Calling Penalty To Bring Back Huge Gain

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    BUFFALO, NY—Reached for comment on his experience officiating the NFL divisional round playoff game between the Cincinnati Bengals and the Buffalo Bills, referee Clay Martin told reporters Sunday that he couldn’t help but grin while calling a penalty to bring back a huge gain. “I have to admit, watching those players cavalierly celebrating what they think is a 43-yard pickup, all the while knowing I’m about to toss my flag and wipe that gain right off the board, I couldn’t help but crack a smile,” said Martin, who was observed on television cameras attempting to stifle his laughter after throwing a penalty flag that turned a massive third-down conversion into a ten-yard loss for an offensive holding call. “It’s especially fun when you get to throw the flag right near the guys when they start celebrating and making first-down signals, then watching as the wind goes right out of their sails and they have to make the long walk back downfield. Sometimes they get really mad and start yelling, which we officials all honestly find hilarious. The best part is that I didn’t call holding penalties all the other times they occurred—I waited and bided my time until the penalty would cause maximum frustration to the players and the fans. Man, I love it when the fans get upset.” Later in the game, the officials were seen smiling and giving each other high-fives after a questionable defensive pass interference call allowed the offense to move 57 yards down the field.

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  • Onion Sports’ NFL Divisional Round Picks

    Onion Sports’ NFL Divisional Round Picks

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    Onion Sports shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in the NFL’s Divisional Round.

    Jaguars at Chiefs

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    Jaguars: Expect Chiefs coach Andy Reid to have something special up his sleeve for this game. Unfortunately, that will just be a dozen hot dogs.

    Offensive Player To Watch: Jaguars

    Offensive Player To Watch: Jaguars

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    Zay Jones: The Jags wide receiver has the field awareness needed to witness numerous Trevor Lawrence interceptions.

    Defensive Player To Watch: Jaguars

    Defensive Player To Watch: Jaguars

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    Josh Allen: This could be a perfect opportunity for the pass rusher to pick up a loose quarterback on the ground and return it for a touchdown.

    Offensive Player To Watch: Chiefs

    Offensive Player To Watch: Chiefs

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    Patrick Mahomes: Kansas City’s star QB is expected to have his best State Farm commercial yet.

    Defensive Player To Watch: Chiefs

    Defensive Player To Watch: Chiefs

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    Chris Jones: Expect the massive defensive tackle to struggle to make it out of the Jaguars’ backfield.

    Giants at Eagles

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    Eagles: Jalen Hurts and the Eagles have what it takes to bring a small dollop of joy to Philadelphia citizens’ otherwise bleak, empty lives.

    Offensive Player To Watch: Giants

    Offensive Player To Watch: Giants

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    Daniel Jones: The quarterback has a bright future with his next team.

    Defensive Player To Watch: Giants

    Defensive Player To Watch: Giants

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    Dexter Lawrence: The Giants colossal nose tackle will rely on his flexibility and athleticism, which allow him to change direction at least once per game.

    Offensive Player To Watch: Eagles

    Offensive Player To Watch: Eagles

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    Jason Kelce: The Eagles’ Pro Bowl center is reportedly practicing a knuckleball hike

    Defensive Player To Watch: Eagles

    Defensive Player To Watch: Eagles

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    Ndamukong Suh: Though playing as a backup, the veteran Suh is hoping he still has a few more dirty plays left in him.

    Bengals at Bills

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    Bengals: After Week 17’s suspended matchup, Cincinnati will be eager to get revenge on Damar Hamlin.

    Offensive Player To Watch: Bengals

    Offensive Player To Watch: Bengals

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    Joe Burrow: Pretty much just needs to go out there and not throw 20 picks to go down as the best quarterback in Bengals history.

    Defensive Player To Watch: Bengals

    Defensive Player To Watch: Bengals

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    Eli Apple: The feisty cornerback will do whatever it takes to be dragged into the end zone while clinging to Josh Allen’s back.

    Offensive Player to Watch: Bills

    Offensive Player to Watch: Bills

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    Stefon Diggs: Buffalo’s wideout has shown the ability to make seemingly impossible catches, rending the delicate fabric of our so-called “reality” and plunging NFL fans into a horrid abyss of unfathomable madness.

    Defensive Player To Watch: Bills

    Defensive Player To Watch: Bills

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    Tremaine Edmunds: The middle linebacker is the heart and soul and lower intestine and trachea and stapes bone of the Bills defense.

    Cowboys at 49ers

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    49ers: San Francisco has better defenders, a more explosive offense, and it’s just really gratifying to see Jerry Jones absolutely fucking miserable.

    Offensive Player To Watch: Cowboys

    Offensive Player To Watch: Cowboys

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    Dak Prescott: He has the kind of arm that can ruin the hopes and dreams of any Cowboys fan.

    Defensive Player To Watch: Cowboys

    Defensive Player To Watch: Cowboys

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    Micah Parsons: Keep a close eye on the Dallas linebacker, who is a dual threat as a pass rusher and a player who can turn completely invisible for multiple quarters.

    Offensive Player To Watch: 49ers

    Offensive Player To Watch: 49ers

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    Brock Purdy: Luckily for San Francisco, Brock Purdy has zero professional experience with losing and barely comprehends the concept of defeat.

    Defensive Player To Watch: 49ers

    Defensive Player To Watch: 49ers

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    Nick Bosa: Expect Bosa to come out strong on every play in order to sack Dak Prescott before he has the chance to throw a pick.

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  • NFL Gravediggers Rush To Field To Bury Unconscious Player

    NFL Gravediggers Rush To Field To Bury Unconscious Player

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    WASHINGTON—After a particularly bad hit to the head left a member of the Commanders unresponsive, NFL gravediggers were seen rushing to the field Sunday to deliver last rites and bury the unconscious player. Several reports indicated that the crew, which drove out of the stadium tunnel in a burgundy and gold hearse, consisted of pallbearers, several brawny men with shovels, and a priest. According to sources, the NFL gravediggers cleared FedEx Field of athletes, dug a 6-foot-deep hole in the ground, checked the player for signs of life, and dropped his limp body into his final resting place. The priest reportedly turned on his microphone and delivered a 30-second eulogy. As coaches, teammates, and fans watched with bated breath, witnesses confirmed that the concussed athlete briefly gave a thumbs-up, but soon collapsed again, at which point the gravediggers proceeded to pick up their shovels, buried him under several feet of dirt, covered the hole with a fresh layer of sod, and quickly placed a Commanders-themed headstone emblazoned with “One Legacy. One Unified Future” at the grave site. At press time, over 67,000 spectators at FedEx Field were heard cheering wildly after a second player was knocked unconscious, picked up on a stretcher, and thrown into a mass grave on the Commanders sidelines.

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  • NFL Linebacker Retires After Selling Rare Pokémon Card For Over $650,000

    NFL Linebacker Retires After Selling Rare Pokémon Card For Over $650,000

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    An NFL player screams at a large and rare Pokémon card.

    Photo: Goldin / The Pokémon Company / Kotaku / Eric Espada (Getty Images)

    Playing in the NFL is tough and many players leave because of career-ending injuries or bad seasons. But after seven years in the league, Las Vegas Raiders linebacker Blake Martinez has retired mid-season for a different reason: He’s making enough money selling Pokémon cards—recently selling a very rare card for nearly $700,000—and doesn’t need the income he gets from playing anymore.

    Las Vegas Raiders player Blake Martinez shocked many fans when he announced last week that he was retiring from the NFL at the relatively young age of 28. He was first drafted by the Green Bay Packers in 2016. Following four years with Green Bay, he joined the New York Giants in 2020 before suffering a torn ACL in 2021. He was released shortly after, and joined the Las Vegas Raiders where he seemed to be doing well this season. In his last game before his retirement, he racked up 11 tackles. However, selling Pokémon cards appears to be Martinez’s true passion—not to mention a pretty good source of income for him—and he’s focusing more on that now.

    As reported by Dexerto, two weeks before announcing his retirement mid-season, the NFL pro sold an extremely rare and valuable Pokémon Illustrator card for a hefty sum. Last month, the card was graded a 9.5 “Gem Mint” quality rating, making it one of the best examples of this coveted card. On October 29 the card—which Martinez nicknamed “The Swirllustrator” because of two small swirl marks in the card’s artwork—was sold via Goldin auctions for a whopping $672,000.

    Yes, this is the same type of rare card that Logan Paul paid over $5 million for earlier this year and wore around his neck during Wrestlemania in April, although his was graded a 10, or perfect quality.

    Read More: The Top 12 Most Valuable Pokémon Cards In History

    Still, this is a big sale, and hardly Martinez’s first time buying and selling Pokémon cards. The former NFL player is a big fan of the cards and has been collecting them for years, though in 2020, in the midst of the pandemic, his love for collecting and selling was reignited. He opens old and new card packs on his Instagram and shares his finds online frequently. In fact, Martinez claims to have found the rare “Swirllustrator” during one of these pack openings. The pro player also has a collectible card business, buying and selling rare cards online.

    “I have chosen to step away from this career at this time to focus on my family and future passions,” explained Martinez in his retirement post on Instagram. It appears his “passion” is using the wealth he made in the NFL to buy and sell rare Pokémon cards. And honestly, I’m happy for the guy. He’s far less likely to suffer a terrible concussion while buying rare Pikachu cards online.

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    Zack Zwiezen

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