TALLAHASSEE, FL—Explaining that the course would teach thousands of high schoolers harmful information about identifying psychological disorders, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis announced Friday that the state would ban AP Psychology out of fear that people might figure out what precisely is wrong with him. “If students come to understand ideas, theories, and terminology associated with mental disorders like, say, narcissistic personality disorder, it could get them that much closer to understanding why exactly I behave the way I do,” said DeSantis, adding that such Advanced Placement classes would only indoctrinate the state’s students into recognizing the many mental health issues that manifest in his behavior on a daily basis. “These courses will make teens look critically at why I act so strangely in seemingly normal human situations and, frankly, allow them to work out that something in my brain is probably abnormal. Floridians know that should never happen. If I don’t know why I seem to be in pain every time I smile, our high school students certainly shouldn’t.” DeSantis went on to announce that he would also be banning couples counseling in the state after advisors suggested his wife Casey DeSantis might use the dangerous practice against him some day.
