They Call Him OG (or simply OG) is a gangster action film starring Pawan Kalyan in the lead role, which was released in theatres on September 25, 2025. Now, Kannada film director R. Chandru has alleged that OG was inspired by his movie Kabzaa, which starred Upendra.
R Chandru alleges that OG is inspired by Upendra starrer Kabzaa
Speaking with the YouTube channel News Hunt, R. Chandru said, “Take a look at some scenes in the OG trailer, and see how they are similar to my film Kabzaa… they are surely inspired by it. It’s good-we should all feel inspired by certain things… It’s something to be happy about.”
“Everyone is praising those shots in OG, but I used similar shots in Kabzaa four years ago. At the time, no one noticed,” the filmmaker added.
The director’s comments have sparked a stir online, with netizens weighing in on the comparison. Interestingly, Kabzaa had earlier faced backlash due to its apparent similarities with the KGF franchise, which starred Yash.
More about Kabzaa
Kabzaa, starring Upendra in the lead, is a Kannada-language gangster action film that was released on March 17, 2023. It tells the story of Arkeshwara, an air force officer who, after suffering a personal loss, enters the underworld and finds himself surrounded by enemies.
In addition to the Coolie actor, the movie featured an ensemble cast including Kichcha Sudeepa, Shriya Saran, Sudha, Murali Sharma, Nawab Shah, Suneel Puranik, John Kokken, Dev Gill, Kabir Duhan Singh, and many others. Kannada superstar Shiva Rajkumar also made a cameo appearance.
Though the flick was a box office failure, a sequel was announced at the time, despite the underwhelming response.
About Pawan Kalyan’s OG
They Call Him OG is a Telugu-language gangster action drama starring Pawan Kalyan and directed by Sujeeth. The film revolves around Ojas Gambheera, aka OG, a former gangster who once ruled the streets of Bombay.
After stepping away from the world of crime, Ojas is forced to return to settle scores with a ruthless crime lord named Omi Bhau. With Emraan Hashmi as the prime antagonist, the movie also features Priyanka Arul Mohan, Arjun Das, Sriya Reddy, Prakash Raj, Abhimanyu Singh, Sudev Nair, and more in pivotal roles.
OG is set in the same cinematic universe as Prabhas-starrer Saaho, a connection that is expected to be further explored in an upcoming film starring Nani, also directed by Sujeeth.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania — Hope Afloat USA is a Dragon Boat team based in Philadelphia. The women who practice and compete and paddle together all have one thing in common. They are all breast cancer survivors.
Phyllis Silverstein explains, “It’s sisterhood. It’s survivorship. It’s brought me to be with people that have been on the same journey that I’ve been on. “
They practice three times a week on the water and each time they get together they build a sense of camaraderie and give a sense of belonging to many who have faced a difficult road to recovery from their breast cancer diagnosis.
Phyllis says of her treatment and recovery, “There were definitely times I thought I wanted to give up. And so, getting in the dragon boat, I thought the same thing! The first practice, somebody handed me a paddle and I’m like I can’t do this. And then I finished and I came back for another one.”
They’re building teamwork and getting back to a normal life after facing so many challenges. And they’re winning too.
In 2025, 5 members of the team competed in Germany on the world stage on the first ever Breast Cancer Paddler team! They took home a total of three silver and three bronze medals and showed their moxie on the world stage and proved how their determination and spirit can make a big difference.
Nancy Glasgow is a paddler on Hope Afloat USA and says showing up and competing on this team is about Zen and connection.
“It’s very challenging. But that’s what you try and strive for. That’s what keeps you going. And that’s the wonderful thing about this sport. I mean, there’s no age limit on this sport. We have people in their eighties doing this and it’s a fabulous, fabulous thing.”
REPORTER… JOYCE KIM… SHOWS US WHY THIS EVENT… STILL IT’S A CARMEL TRADITION THAT’S BEEN STANDING TALL – AND THEN WASHED AWAY – FOR MORE THAN SIX DECADES. THE 62ND ANNUAL GREAT SANDCASTLE CONTEST RETURNS TO CARMEL BEACH THIS SUNDAY, AND ORGANIZERS SAY IT’S ALL ABOUT CREATIVITY, COMMUNITY, AND FUN. YES.” BUILDERS OF ALL AGES HIT THE SAND AT HELD ON CARMEL BEACH AS EARLY AS 7 IN THE MORNING TO CREATE THEIR ARTWORKS. “IT’S NOT ONLY CREATIVE, BUT IT’S, I GUESS MAYBE THAT’S PART OF CREATIVITY IS THE IT’S A IT’S A VERY FREE A FREE AND EXPERIENCE.” THIS YEAR’S THEME, “CARMEL’S NATURE,” INVITES CONTESTANTS TO DRAW INSPIRATION FROM THE CENTRAL COAST’S LANDSCAPES, WILDLIFE, AND NATURAL BEAUTY. “THE WHOLE FUN OF IT IS THE BUILD.IT’S THE IMAGINATION. WITH SAND, YOU CAN CREATE JUST ABOUT ANYTHING. AND IN THIS PARTICULAR PROJECT THAT WE PUT TOGETHER WHERE WE HAVE THE MOMMY OTTER, LOOKING AT HER BABY OTTER WITH THE WAVE COMING UP, AND THEY’RE JUST PLAYING IN THE SURF AND HAVING A GREAT TIME.” THE CONTEST IS HOSTED BY THE CITY OF CARMEL-BY- THE-SEA AND THE AMERICAN INSTITUTE OF ARCHITECTS MONTEREY BAY. WIN OR LOSE, THE TIDE WILL TAKE IT ALL AWAY – BUT T
‘With sand, you can create just about anything’: Town hosts legendary sandcastle contest
The 62nd annual Great Sandcastle Contest returned to Carmel Beach in California, Sunday, inviting builders of all ages to showcase their creativity and enjoy a day of community fun.Builders gathered as early as 7 a.m. to craft their sand artworks.Alfred Seccombe said, “It’s not only creative, but it’s, I guess, maybe that’s part of creativity is the it’s a it’s a free experience.”Builders are drawing inspiration from the landscapes, wildlife, and natural beauty of California.”The whole fun of it is the build. It’s the imagination,” Robert Slawinski, a builder, said. “With sand, you can create just about anything.”Slawinski had a family theme in his sandcastle creation. “And in this particular project that we put together, where we have the mommy otter, looking at her baby otter with the wave coming up, and they’re just playing in the surf and having a great time,” he said. The contest is hosted by the city of Carmel-by-the-Sea and the American Institute of Architects Monterey Bay.Win or lose, the tide will take it all away, but the memories will stick.
CARMEL-BY-THE-SEA, Calif. —
The 62nd annual Great Sandcastle Contest returned to Carmel Beach in California, Sunday, inviting builders of all ages to showcase their creativity and enjoy a day of community fun.
Builders gathered as early as 7 a.m. to craft their sand artworks.
Alfred Seccombe said, “It’s not only creative, but it’s, I guess, maybe that’s part of creativity is the it’s a it’s a free experience.”
Builders are drawing inspiration from the landscapes, wildlife, and natural beauty of California.
“The whole fun of it is the build. It’s the imagination,” Robert Slawinski, a builder, said. “With sand, you can create just about anything.”
Slawinski had a family theme in his sandcastle creation.
“And in this particular project that we put together, where we have the mommy otter, looking at her baby otter with the wave coming up, and they’re just playing in the surf and having a great time,” he said.
The contest is hosted by the city of Carmel-by-the-Sea and the American Institute of Architects Monterey Bay.
Win or lose, the tide will take it all away, but the memories will stick.
Usually on How Success Happens, we speak with founders and creators who use words like “battle” and “fight” as metaphors describing what it takes to build a business. But this week’s guest has lived those words quite literally.
Former SEAL Team Two Commanding Officer Mike Hayes joined the show to discuss his journey from elite military leader to executive and author, offering practical wisdom that anyone can apply toward a fulfilling, purpose-driven career.
Mike spent two decades as a Navy SEAL, leading a 2,000-person special operations task force in Afghanistan, serving Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama, and paying it forward by helping pay off mortgages for Gold Star widows through The 1162 Foundation. His newest book, Mission Driven: The Path to a Life of Purpose, channels his leadership lessons into actionable guidance for navigating doubt, building teams, and serving a cause greater than oneself.
You can watch our conversation here or listen to it below. And read on for three success takeaways from Hayes that can apply to any industry or area of your life.
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1. Train Yourself to Thrive Under Stress
Mike emphasizes that success comes from learning how to be comfortable in uncomfortable circumstances. “No SEAL that goes into a gunfight that has fear. You’re just in execution mode because you’ve been trained so well,” he says. “Whenever anything negative happens in your life, if you spend your energy on that hypothetical potential negative thing that could happen, you are spending energy and bandwidth on the hypothetical thing that hasn’t yet happened.”
Takeaway: Spend your energy fixing problems — and capitalizing on opportunities — that are right in front of you.
2. Invest in Your Team’s Mission, Not Just the Job
Instead of barking orders, Mike rallies people around a shared vision. He believes true leaders define the “who” — the character and purpose that unite a group — not just the “what,” like titles or tasks. “When you converge people around that goal, then it’s not work. It’s a mission. It’s enjoyment. It’s a passion.”
Takeaway: Strive to bring your team together around a genuine sense of purpose for longer-lasting, more meaningful success.
3. Serve Others to Find Your Own Purpose
For Mike, legacy means uplifting others: “Unlocking other people’s ability to be amazing and therefore unlocking the nation’s ability to be amazing.” He teaches that the best way out of personal lows is to help someone else, and that real networking is about investing in others without expectation.
Takeaway: Whether you’re at a career crossroads or facing doubt, seek ways to serve and inspire — you’ll find strength and purpose in lifting up those around you.
Balances personal story with leadership and coaching insights
Book addresses healthcare inequality in cancer care access
In his new book, “Every Mile Matters,” local leader Jeffrey Reynolds shares how his experience as an Ironman athlete became a powerful tool in his fight against cancer – not once, but twice. Reynolds, president and CEO of Family and Children’s Association, said he approached cancer treatment with the same discipline and determination he brought to endurance training, transforming adversity into resilience.
At 55, Reynolds joined an elite group of athletes in 2021 completing a 140.6-mile Ironman triathlon in Florida. But the victory was short-lived. A routine PSA test led to a prostate cancer diagnosis, followed by a more severe blow: Stage 3B colorectal cancer. Reynolds found himself applying the same grit and strategy he used in endurance sports to navigate a high-stakes medical battle.
“I went from being at the peak of physical fitness to facing my own mortality,” Reynolds said in a news release about the book. “But I quickly realized that triathlon had been preparing me for this race I never signed up for.”
Reynolds said he found the discipline to push through “the wall” at mile 20 of a marathon, and the ability to stay calm in chaotic open water – all of which equipped him with the tools to face cancer head on.
With that approach, Reynolds said he persevered through months of surgery, radiation and chemotherapy, while continuing to lead one of Long Island’s oldest and largest nonprofit organizations and also coaching others who had been newly diagnosed.
In the book, Reynolds offers practical wisdom for anyone facing life’s biggest challenges. He also shares “training tips” for building holistic resilience – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual – that transcend the athletic arena into everyday leadership.
The book also delivers a sobering critique of America’s healthcare system. Reynolds contrasts his access to top-tier care with the stark disparities that influence cancer outcomes – where race, education, income and geography can play a role.
“‘Every Mile Matters’ is a triumph of heart and soul in battling the demons of cancer,” Mike Reilly, an ambassador caption for the Ironman Foundation, said in the news release.
“Jeffrey Reynolds has captured each defining moment of his cancer journey with honesty, passion, and remarkable clarity,” Reilly added. Through his story, he teaches us powerful life lessons – and more importantly, how to live them daily.”
The book is available on Amazon and through its dedicated website of the same title.
Have you ever heard the term ‘coherence’ as it relates to inner harmony? Perhaps, simply reading the words ‘inner harmony’ and ‘coherence’ bring about a desire to feel a little more firmly planted within yourself?
It’s not easy right now. I mean, life is rarely what anyone would describe as easy – but as far as my lifetime goes, it’s never been quite this challenging to navigate while maintaining any sense of calm. I have come to trust that things unfold as they need to for our own greater evolution. To try and change what we cannot control is the greatest source of our self-inflicted suffering.
What I can change are my mind, my heart and my response in any given situation. This is well within all of our control and this is why understanding coherence and inner harmony is so critical right now. We need it more than ever.
A lot of us have a vision of what a happy life looks like. It might include a dream home, a vacation, a certain type of partner, or perhaps a certain level of wealth and financial security.
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The reality is that none of that is the ticket if we can’t calm the nerves and flow more effortlessly through life. The desires for those things that we think will bring us greater happiness are not really what we need or want. What we truly crave is to feel at peace. It’s a lot easier and more obvious to crave material things or extravagant experiences than to sit for five or ten minutes, focus on our breathing and allow what we really want to wash over us. And what we want is that inner harmony.
What Does It Mean To Be In A Coherent State?
We know that the brain sends signals to the body. As I type this, my brain is telling my fingers to get to work on my lightning-fast, slightly manic, two-finger typing to get these words on my screen. That’s the brain sending a message to the body.
We also know that if we witness a scary or startling event, we feel a jolt of fear and our heart rate elevates. These are the efferent pathways of the nervous system: brain to body.
Very few of us actively acknowledge that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the brain sends to the heart and the rest of the body. These are called the afferent pathways.
When we can tune into that rhythm of the heart and bring it into coherence, we can directly impact how we feel from a nervous system perspective (anxious vs. calm) as well as how the frontocortical and motor cortex of the brain functions (responsive vs. reactive).
Optimally, we want to be in a coherent state where we feel calm and peaceful and where we are better able to make mindful decisions, allowing for critical, creative and solution-oriented thinking to dominate. As you might now be seeing, this is not the state most of us are in as we go about our day.
Most of us, most of the time, are operating in an incoherent state where we are experiencing stress, overwhelm, anxiety, uncertainty and fear. When we are in this state, our ability to think clearly, be compassionate, kind and caring is impaired. In short, we are not remotely at our best.
To be compassionate, one of the most critical heart-based emotions that we all need to be embodying right now, means tuning into the heart and bringing ourselves into coherence. What’s really amazing is that being compassionate brings us into coherence, and when we are in a coherent state, we are more compassionate, loving, kind, appreciative, grateful, calm and peaceful. A beautiful thing about this is that when we are in this state, we also directly invite others to feel more heart-centred as well.
What I love about the technique I’m about to share is that you don’t have to sit quietly in meditation for 20 minutes to get there. You don’t need to remove yourself from life. Don’t get me wrong: it certainly helps to develop a dedicated meditation practice, as that will make the 30-second doses of coherence easier to achieve, but it’s not essential for impact.
The technique I’m sharing below is based on the teachings of the HeartMath Institute. There is no right or wrong way to be proactive; it’s all about steadying your heart rhythm and bringing your mind and body into coherence.
Getting Into Coherence
Take a few moments to focus on and slow your breathing. Consider trying an inhale for a count of 1-2-3-4 and then a 1-2-3-4 exhale.
Once your breath has steadied, envision this breath coming in through your heart and out through your heart. Continue with your slower than normal breathing.
Now, as you continue breathing slowly in and out through your heart, embody the feeling of love, compassion and appreciation. Feel in your body how it feels to be deeply cared for, appreciated and loved. I find it helpful to turn the corner of my mouth into a smile as I embody this feeling.
Sit with this feeling for as long as you have time for.
If you want to extend your practice, after a few minutes, you can extend that feeling of love, appreciation and compassion outward to someone you know, to a community or to the planet as a whole. Continue focusing on your breath, coming in and out through your heart and embodying these heart-centred emotions.
Inner Harmony In 30 Seconds
I have been doing this practice daily – sometimes for 5 minutes, sometimes for 20 minutes – for several years. It’s a bit of a personal check-in. Lately, however, I think I’m likely clocking in a lot more time because of my ongoing 30-second practices all day, throughout the day.
See, as I mentioned earlier, it’s tough out there. Tension is high, resilience is low and most people are going about their day operating from an incoherent state, making them reactive, short, fearful, and lacking patience and compassion. And I do my best to blast it out. I picture it a bit like the Care Bear Stare.
When I am standing in line, waiting at a red light on my bicycle, or even when my son is exhausted after a day of school and melt-down-ready, I mindfully slow my breathing and embody compassion while sending this emotion out to whomever is near me.
Imagine for a moment if 5% of us did this. Or what about 10%? If every 10th person we encounter was embodying love, compassion, empathy and care, we’d be living in a very different world.
If happiness is really what you’re after, you’ll get there a lot faster – in fact, you’ll get there today – if you take a few moments to get into coherence. It’s literally your next breath away.
Do you have trouble transforming talk → action? Learn about Personal Growth Initiative (PGI) and the essential components behind a lifelong mindset of self-improvement.
Personal growth doesn’t just happen — it requires intention, planning, and action. While many of us may talk a lot about the things we want to change in our lives, transforming that talk into action can be a real challenge.
Psychologists have identified Personal Growth Initiative as a mindset that bridges this all-too-common gap between “talk” and “action,” helping individuals actively and consciously pursue their development in a clear and deliberate way.
As a reader of this article, you likely already check off some boxes for Personal Growth Initiative. The average person doesn’t consciously seek out knowledge about psychology and self-improvement, so you’re in a unique and special group of people. By virtue of being here right now, you are demonstrating a rare initiative.
Now let’s dive more into what PGI is all about.
Personal Growth Initiative: The 4 Core Components
Personal Growth Initiative (PGI) is a set of beliefs and attitudes that help individuals intentionally engage in their own growth process. It consists of four main components.
Readiness for Change
The first step is to be ready to make a change. A person can have all the help, guidance, and resources in the world at their disposal, but it all amounts to nothing if they aren’t ready to make that final leap. The basic truth is we often need that proverbial “fire under our butts” before we take conscious action. Once you’re ready, the next step is to translate that readiness into a clear plan of action.
Thought Patterns:
“I am aware of when I need to make a change.”
“I take every opportunity to grow as it comes up.”
“I am willing to step out of my comfort zone to achieve growth.”
“I take an active role in my self-improvement.”
“I don’t sit and wait for change to happen.”
Example: Imagine facing burnout at work. Instead of feeling trapped, a person with a high readiness for change may recognize this as a signal to re-evaluate their work habits or career path, making room for new habits and healthier routines (such as sleep, diet, exercise, or leisure time).
The second step is to create realistic plans for your growth. An idea remains just that until you put it on paper and hold yourself accountable. Having a clear vision of your future and where you want to go, then setting small and realistic goals that are within your reach, can help propel you forward in a natural and sustainable way.
Thought Patterns:
“I set realistic goals for what I want to change about myself.”
“I have a specific action plan to help me reach my goals.”
“I break down larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks.”
“I regularly review my progress and adjust my plan accordingly.”
“I stay committed to my plan even when faced with setbacks.”
Example: Let’s say you want to improve your physical health or lose weight. Instead of jumping into an unsustainable workout routine, a planful person might research the best exercise programs, consult with a trainer, and create a structured plan that best fits their lifestyle, personality, and fitness goals.
Another essential feature of the Personal Growth Initiative is actively seeking help and guidance from outside resources, including learning materials like articles and books, as well as reaching out to friends, mentors, or counselors. This is one of the most common ways people handicap themselves because they wrongly believe “I have to do everything on my own,” when the truth is there are plenty of resources available to take advantage of (including this website).
Thought Patterns:
“I ask for help from others when I need it.”
“I do my own research to learn more about new topics.”
“I like reading articles and books to learn new things.”
“I’m not afraid to reach out to a therapist or coach if I really need one.”
“I connect with communities or groups that align with my values and goals.”
Example: During a stressful life transition, like a divorce or job loss, someone with strong PGI would actively seek out the right books and resources, such as counseling or career coaching, to navigate the situation more smoothly and effectively.
Intentional Behavior refers to the daily or weekly actions you take that are purposefully directed toward achieving your goals. Unlike Readiness for Change, which is about being mentally prepared and open to growth, Intentional Behavior is about translating that readiness into consistent, goal-directed actions. It’s the final step between “talk” and “action.” For example, Readiness for Change might mean deciding that improving your health is necessary, while Intentional Behavior is actually getting up every morning to go for a jog or preparing a healthy meal.
Thought Patterns:
“I turn my intentions into actions.”
“I take small steps forward every day.”
“I build new habits into my daily routine that bring me closer to my goals.”
“I know what steps I can take to make intentional changes in myself.”
Example: After recognizing the need for change and making a plan, intentional behavior would involve committing to daily or weekly actions—whether it’s setting aside time for self-care or networking to explore new career opportunities. Each small step compounds over time, leading to greater progress and resilience.
Each of these components supports and strengthens the next, creating a clear pathway from “ideas” to “actions.”
“Readiness for Change” sets the foundation by keeping you open to new paths and patterns in life, ensuring that you are mentally prepared for growth and change when needed. From there, “Making a Plan” gives direction and a direct course for action, “Using Resources” provides support, knowledge, and inspirational boosts, and “Intentional Behavior” turns plans into consistent daily and weekly action. Together, they create a feedback loop that encourages continuous growth and resilience.
For example, someone with high Readiness for Change will see a major setback, like losing a job, as an opportunity to learn new skills or change their career path. They use Planfulness to plot a course of action they can follow, like going back to school or learning a new trade, seek new resources like career counseling, job fairs, or apprenticeships, and take consistent daily action, such as taking classes, practicing new skills, or sending out resumes – all of which help them not only cope with this major life change, but also thrive and ultimately find a better path forward in the long run.
One study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that PGI is positively related to adaptive coping styles and self-efficacy, suggesting that those who actively engage in personal growth are better equipped to handle negative and stressful events more effectively, because they approach life’s obstacles with the mindset of growth and learning rather than resignation and defeat.
If you aren’t ready to make a change – or you are completely resistant to change – it’s unlikely to happen. This includes therapy and coaching, where studies show that “motivational readiness” can be a contributing factor to how effective a therapeutic intervention is. This aligns with common factors theory, where one of the most important features of successful therapy and counseling is “shared goals” among therapist and client – you have to be on the same page about where you are and where you want to go.
Overall, PGI fosters a mindset that not only supports mental health and well-being but also builds long-term grit and resilience. By approaching challenges with intentional growth, individuals are more prepared to navigate life’s obstacles, setbacks, and inevitable ups and downs.
Embrace the Will to Improve
The best way to prove your commitment to something is through your actions.
Ask yourself, “What is the smallest step I can take today to start moving in the right direction?” Maybe it’s joining a gym, starting a new hobby, setting a 10-minute daily reading habit, or subscribing to our newsletter for more actionable tips and advice on self-improvement.
Personal Growth Initiative is about more than just wanting to improve — it’s about intentionally working toward becoming a better version of yourself. Start today by taking one small step, however small it may be.
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You’re trying to get out the door and your 4-year-old gets upset when you don’t plan ahead and allow time and space to leave the house in an unhurried fashion. It’s been a hectic morning and you’re behind schedule and rushing your child to get in the car headed to your appointment. Before you know it, your precious 4-year-old is on the floor in a puddle of tears.
It’s a fact that in today’s family, life is busier than ever. Trying to manage our own overcrowded schedules and commitments makes it easy to overlook the smallest voices in our families – those of our youngest children. Yet, as Christian mothers and grandmothers, we are called to recognize and honor these small voices, valuing them as individuals created in God’s image.
From birth, children begin to develop an understanding of feelings. Your little one is picking up on how you respond to their social and emotional needs. Following your lead, they learn how to empathize and respond to the emotions of others. By listening and giving merit to what they say, you lay the foundation for their personal development and emotional safety.
Listening is a form of love. The Bible tells us in James 1:19, “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.” This wisdom applies on many levels in our interactions with young children. When we take the time to listen to them, we demonstrate our love and respect. We show them that their thoughts and feelings are important, fostering their sense of self-worth and teaching them that they are valuable as people and members of the family.
Let’s look at how we can listen to our youngest family members:
Why “No” Is Important
One of the most important words that children learn is “no.” While it can be frustrating for parents and grandparents to hear this word repeatedly, it’s crucial to understand its significance. When a child says “no,” they are expressing their independence and testing boundaries. It’s our responsibility as adults to regulate our own emotional responses and respond to our children and grandchildren with patience and understanding.
Children may say “no” and refuse to do things to make their own choices. It means they are learning what they like and don’t like and how to interact with others. They might say “no” because they are trying to express difficult feelings they don’t understand.
Being overly excited, hungry, frustrated, or disappointed are just a few things that may cause young children to become dysregulated. These outward behaviors may result from feelings and thoughts that they don’t yet have language to express to others.
Teaching children how to use “no” in regard to their physical body is also very important. It’s essential that children understand they have the right to control who touches them and how, starting from an early age. For instance, if a child says “no” to being tickled, chased, or hugged, it’s critical for adults to stop immediately and respect that boundary.
Ignoring their desire to stop can inadvertently communicate that their words, feelings, and bodily autonomy are not important. This can have negative effects on their self-esteem and cause them to question their ability to set boundaries and trust others in the future. Additionally, respecting their “no” affirms their sense of being in control of their own body, gives them confidence, and helps them feel safe and respected. This empowers children to communicate their boundaries clearly and confidently in various situations as they grow older.
Connecting Instead of Forcing
In moments of urgency, it’s tempting to use force to make a child comply, such as picking them up and putting them in the car when they resist. However, this approach undermines their sense of autonomy and can lead to feelings of helplessness and resentment. Instead, attempting to understand the reasons behind their resistance can be more beneficial.
Engaging with children calmly and asking questions can uncover the underlying cause of their behavior. Perhaps they are feeling anxious about leaving a familiar place, or they might be tired or hungry. By addressing the root issue, we not only resolve the immediate situation more peacefully, but we also teach our children and grandchildren valuable lessons in communication and problem-solving.
The end result is a stronger relationship with your children and grandchildren where they are moving toward you in connection instead of away from you and disconnecting.
Feelings Are Communication Tools
Honoring children’s feelings means taking time to validate and understand their emotions. This can be done in simple yet powerful ways:
1. Acknowledge Their Feelings
When a child expresses reluctance or says “no,” acknowledge their emotions. For instance, “I see you’re upset about getting in the car. It looks like you want to continue playing with your toys.”
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Encourage them to share their thoughts by asking open-ended questions like, “What’s making you feel this way?” or “What would you like to do?”
3. Reflect Back What You Hear
Reflect their feelings back to them to show you understand. For example, “You don’t want to leave because you’re having fun with your toys. That makes sense.”
4. Offer Choices
Empower them by offering choices whenever possible. This can be as simple as, “Would you like to bring a toy with you in the car?” or “Would you like me to set a timer for 5 minutes, and then we’ll leave?”
By consistently listening to and valuing young children’s words, we build a foundation of trust and open communication. They learn that they can come to us with their thoughts and feelings, knowing they will be heard and respected. This trust is crucial as they grow older and face more complex challenges.
Proverbs 22:6 teaches us, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he grows older he will not abandon it.” By nurturing a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding from an early age, we guide our children and grandchildren in a path of loving interactions.
Our actions as parents and grandparents should reflect the love and compassion of Jesus. When we fully express the life we have in Christ, it shows up in love. Jesus said, “By this all people will know that you are My disciples: if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). By listening to our children and grandchildren and valuing their words, we are not only loving them but also living out the teachings of Christ.
It’s understandable that modern life can be hectic, and taking the time to engage with a child’s every concern may seem daunting. However, even small steps can make a significant difference:
Set Aside Dedicated Time
Carve out specific times during the day when you can give your child or grandchild undivided attention, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
Use Everyday Moments
Utilize routine activities like car rides, meal times, and bedtime as opportunities for meaningful conversation and connection.
Model Active Listening
Show your children and grandchildren what active listening looks like by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and responding thoughtfully to their words.
Listening to and valuing our youngest family members is not merely about managing behavior or avoiding conflict. It is about nurturing their spirits, fostering their growth, and building a foundation of love and trust. By honoring their words and emotions, we teach them that they matter and that they are loved and respected.
As Christian moms and grandmothers, we have the profound responsibility and privilege to reflect God’s love in our interactions with our children and grandchildren. Let’s embrace this role with patience, compassion, and a willingness to listen, knowing that in doing so, we are helping to shape the hearts and minds of the next generation.
“As I sit here in a room filled with hundreds of other Believers, I couldn’t feel more alone. I feel invisible in a sea of faces. Somehow, I feel very unseen. How did I get here? What did I do to deserve this level of loneliness? How will I ever move forward? My life isn’t going as I planned, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back.” These words were penned by a friend of mine several years ago. She had written that note to herself while sitting in a church filled with almost a thousand other people. It was during worship service, and that sometimes awkward part of the service where the pastor encourages everyone to meet and greet their neighbors had just transpired. She looked around the room, and seemingly everyone else knew someone but her. Having just given birth to her second child, she found herself unexpectedly a single mom, and the loneliness associated with that journey filled her with tears as she shared that letter.
Fortunately, she was able to find a small Bible study sometime after that, and the friendships she made there have lasted more than a decade now. Loneliness is not a condition that only affects the single mom or even a single person. It impacts us all. Sometimes, we can be sitting in a room filled with others, just like my friend so many years ago, and feel completely and utterly alone. It is in the time of loneliness that God can grow us in ways that we could have never imagined. Consider the following:
1. Our intimacy with the Lord can increase during our times of loneliness.
Think about the times in your life that you have been busiest, possibly during high school or college or a work deadline. It is likely you were surrounded by groups of people. It is during our busy season, maybe when there are lots of friends – or at least warm bodies – around, that we often think we just do not have time to have devotionals. Sadly, we can all get “too busy” focusing on other things and forget to focus on the main thing – a relationship with the Lord. It has been during my times of loneliness that I have learned to greatly lean on the Lord for everything. I have learned that Jesus truly is my best friend – not simply some cliché terminology that Christians like to use. Those times of intimacy were intensified during my times of loneliness. The same can be true for you.
2. We learn more in the valleys.
First, let us acknowledge that there are things to be learned both on the mountaintops and in the valleys. Let’s face it, there are just certain things that we seem to learn better on our worst days. When a child is small and repeatedly reminded not to touch the hot stove, it is not quite as effective as when they do actually touch the stove and suffer the consequences! There have been relationships I have entered into with friends who were not leading me down a godly path or a boyfriend that was doing likewise that I should have never been with in the first place. I knew better, but I did it anyway. The loneliness and heartbreak that followed were unlike any other. I learned some things in that valley of loneliness that have been useful to me many years later. Of course, I am not suggesting that your loneliness is a result of something you have done wrong, as was my case. I am simply highlighting that the depths of loneliness can fill us with an increased appreciation for relationships once that season is over. Mountaintops can teach us humility. But valleys teach us perseverance, dependence on God, and endurance. The meaning and love of true friends, there is something to be learned in the valley.
3. Loneliness can be a time to work on ourselves.
If I were to get a pen and paper out this very moment and list the things that could be worked on, the list would be pretty long. There is the physical, such as a few more sit-ups and push-ups—my role as an employer and the many failings and shortcomings I exhibit there. Then, there are my roles as wife, mom, and friend. And finally, my spiritual journey. The fact that I am often too quick to anger and talk way too much – sticking my foot in my mouth more often than not. That’s my 30-second list right there. Trust me, there are many more! The same is likely true for you. Loneliness can be an honest time of self-evaluation. What are the things that you can work on in your own life right now? Could you improve your exercise routine or eating habits? Might this be a good time to take a financial education class or invest in a hobby you enjoy?
Times of loneliness can be times of self-exploration and improvement. Maybe there was a time in your life in an old dating relationship that you made an idol out of man. Perhaps you put more value on the relationship with a person than you did on your relationship with God. This season could be the perfect time to evaluate those behaviors to ensure that you can prevent them in the future. Perhaps this time of loneliness is a time of pursuing and discovering God’s purpose for your life. God has given us all unique talents, skills, and gifts to be used to improve the lives of those around us. What are yours? How can you use them for the glory of God? What are the things in your life that you could give back to others, and how would that, ultimately, improve your own life and sense of being.
4. Being lonely can often promote a powerful quiet time.
Okay, so I admit it. There have certainly been times in my own life when my prayer time with the Lord has been habitual and mundane, and other times when it seemed the power of God was raining down from Heaven on me like fire. The difference is my expectation and willingness to see and hear from God. The times when I have been most desperate for Him – the times when wailing and crying and screaming for a breakthrough were most prevalent – are the times when I have most assuredly seen Him. Your time of loneliness may be an intentional stripping away of all things by the Lord so that you can grow in your walk with Him.
By no means do I minimize the pain or heaviness that can be associated with loneliness. Not at all. Nor do I even insinuate that a lonely season is not a hard season. It surely is. I think about Jesus out in the wilderness being tested by Satan (Matthew 4:1-11). I think about how hard that season was for Him – how lonely He must have felt. Yet, even in that loneliness, He never lost sight of His purpose for being on earth and what He had been called to. The same can be true for you.
Being alone is not a punishment. Actually, sometimes it is necessary. As Christians, we often say God created us for relationship. I believe that to be true. There is great power in the gathering of believers. However, the first relationship has to be our one with the Lord.
This season of loneliness you are battling right now is merely a season. It will pass. While you are in it, choose to see the growth opportunities. Circumstances can sometimes create isolation or unavoidable loneliness, but what if we began to view our times of loneliness as opportunities for growth?
Jennifer Maggio is a national voice for single mothers and hurting women. Her personal story has been featured in hundreds of media venues, including The New York Times, Daystar Television, The 700 Club, and many others. She is CEO/Founder of The Life of a Single Mom Ministries, a national nonprofit that works with churches to develop single mom’s programs and currently serves more than 1,500 churches.
The Life of a Single Mom has served 406,000 single mothers over the last decade and counting. Maggio is an author of several books, including The Church and the Single Mom. For more information, visit www.jennifermaggio.com.
Jennifer Maggio is a mom to three, wife to Jeff, and founder of the national nonprofit, The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. She is author to four books, including The Church and the Single Mom. She was named one of the Top 10 Most Influential People in America by Dr. John Maxwell in 2017 and 2015 and has appeared in hundreds of media venues, including The New York Times, Family Talk Radio with Dr. James Dobson, Joni and Friends, and many others.
Your daughter calls and says unless she comes up with $500, her only car—that she drives to work—will be repossessed. What she really means is that you need to come up with the money.
Your son needs to stop drinking, but you know if you don’t go get the kids tonight, he’ll fall into a drunken stupor and the little ones will have to fend for themselves. You know you need to stop giving your children money and volunteering free babysitting, but how can you stand to watch them—or your grandkids—suffer?
And how in the world did you get into this mess?
The Difference between Helping and Enabling
The first priority is to recognize the difference between helping and enabling your grown child. When an adult child is usually able to make good decisions and handle crises on their own, a call for help reflects a need for exactly that—help.
But when an adult child rarely makes wise choices, or becomes mired in an addiction, they will want you to bail them out of every tight spot. Repeating the same basic scenario over and over means you are enabling them to continue dysfunctional behaviors.
Perpetual enabling is called co-dependency. Wikipedia defines it as “a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.” The parent in this type of relationship feels a need to “fix” the child, even when they clearly aren’t taking any advice.
The parent may also be afraid to be truthful about the situation for fear of hurting the child’s feelings or driving them away.
In the beginning, during their teen years or early twenties, when they called with an urgent situation, it appeared the best option was for you to take care of it. But over time, you realize that they don’t seem to know how—or even desire—to take responsibility for their own choices and the consequences they bring.
Codependent behaviors begin long before a teen becomes an adult, and they won’t end overnight. But as parents, we need to begin the process as soon as we recognize there is a problem. The good news is, there is help for recovery and change. Let’s take a look at six ways you can stop enabling your grown child.
1. Be Honest with Yourself and Acknowledge the Role You Play
As painful as this step is, nothing will change until you admit your own need. Yes, you want your child to love you. Yes, you’re afraid she’ll cut you off if you refuse to pay her debts. And yes, you have always come to the rescue, thereby relieving her of any need to take responsibility.
There are many reasons the enabling pattern emerges. Psychologists would say it arises out of a parent’s need for affirmation. Maybe there was a past divorce after which your ex cast you in a negative light. One way you tried to fix that is by being the “helpful” parent. It’s possible your actions relieve a sense of guilt over difficulties in your marriage, even if you’re still wed.
Some parents begin the “helicopter” parenting style when their child is a toddler, and by the time little Jeffy grows up, enabling is all they know how to do.
Whatever the causes, now you know the best way forward is to stop bailing her out of every scrape she creates. After all, you won’t always be there.
No parent desires to see their child suffer. None of us would choose to perpetuate dysfunctional behavior on purpose. But sometimes it happens. We realize a pattern has taken root that must be broken—and this is the first step.
The Bible is full of stories of dysfunctional family relationships within the homes of godly parents. These problems are not the result of conscious sin. Most of the time, biblical parents failed to recognize their roles and often great pain resulted. But we have the advantage of reading about them and learning from their mistakes.
In Genesis, Isaac and Rebekah pampered Jacob and Rebekah covered for—and even helped concoct—his deception to steal the family blessing. Jacob ran for his life after his brother threatened to kill him, and eventually got in hot water with his father-in-law for deceptive business practices.
Later, Jacob favored his son Joseph over all his brothers. This created such hatred, they conspired to kill Joseph. Joseph’s brother Judah raised a couple of incorrigible sons.
In 1 Samuel, Sampson gets his parents to do whatever he wants, including making a deal for a pagan bride against Jewish law. And even King David faced an attempted coup by one of his sons.
We are given no indication that those biblical parents saw trouble coming, and few modern-day parents see it looming either. But once it develops, parents need to confess the part we play and ask God to help. The compulsion to fix our kids is really a form of control. Therefore, we need to ask God to forgive our rushing ahead without seeking his guidance. We can take comfort in the words of 1 John 1:9 where we learn that if we confess our sins, God will forgive us.
But without concrete action, nothing will change, even if you have acknowledged your role and asked God to forgive you. You must take the next steps.
2. Pray for Wisdom and Then Set Boundaries with Your Child
Codependency at its core is a lack of boundaries—both emotional and physical. This means that you may let your emotions sway your actions. If you feel rejection from your child-rearing its head, you’ll do what you perceive she needs in order to push it back down.
Her emotions have become more important than your own. Your actions confirm this truth when you bail her out time and time again.
The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5:15 to choose to live wisely, and in James 1:5 we find out that we can ask God to give us the wisdom we need. So we can pray with confidence that the Lord will help us know the right things to do and say. This help may come in the form of advice from a pastor or counselor, Scripture, or trusted godly friend—but it will come.
It will not be easy, and will probably create an emotional scene, but it is necessary to draw a line in the sand, so to speak. Be specific about what you will and won’t do. Try to approach the situation without casting blame at your child. They may feel guilt and say you’re blaming them. But remember the truth—you are setting them up for future success. This begins with accepting personal responsibility for choices.
If addiction is the problem, you may have to do the hardest thing of all—let a crisis develop and refuse to intervene, or even call the authorities. Your child may lose custody of his children. But this may be the very thing that drives him to get clean. I have a friend who found herself in this kind of situation.
Today her son has been drug-free for fifteen years and he tells anyone who will listen that losing his kids was the motivation he needed. It’s unfortunate, but often people need to hit rock bottom before they begin the upward climb.
Remember, too, that there may not be a happy ending for your child—at least that you can see in your lifetime. However, as an adult, it is his life. Not yours. You are not responsible for the consequences of his choices. That’s God’s job. You are only responsible for your actions—and this is why you want to stop enabling.
Here again, we can take comfort from Scripture. In Isaiah 49:4, the prophet said that the future Servant King, Jesus Christ, would not understand why people refused to accept and believe him. Jesus was familiar with discouragement and frustration.
We know that he suffered all the same things we do, but I think we usually take this to mean temptations. How wonderful to realize he also understands our emotions. He understands wayward children too. After all, he said in Matthew 23:37—referring to his people the Israelites—that he wanted to gather them like a hen gathers her chicks under its wings, but they were not willing.
Whether it’s your small group, your pastor, or a specific support group, Matthew 18:20 assures us there is real power when we gather together in prayer. Meeting at least weekly will give you the boost you need to follow through with the decisions you have made.
Ask a close friend in your prayer group to be available for a phone call whenever the need arises. Just knowing there is one person who understands and will pray you off the ledge when you’re about to cave in makes all the difference. Tapping into God’s power will get you through.
4. Enforce Your Boundaries as Needed
You will suffer real emotional distress caused by your refusal to run to the rescue. Your child will not be the only one who feels it. You’ll be forced to watch the consequences of their choices and decisions unfold from the sidelines. It will be tempting to throw in the towel and go back to life as usual.
Again, we can learn from Jesus. Isaiah 50:7 tells us how our Lord set his face like a flint to his mission, which was not for himself, but for us—his children. That kind of sheer determination is what it takes to change an ingrained family dynamic. However, remember the reason you’re doing it.
The best thing for your child, grandchildren, and even yourself is to work toward a healthier relationship.
5. Pray Daily for Your Family
Pray for everyone in your family who is affected by your decision for change. The Lord awakens you every morning and if you ask, he’ll expand your understanding and help you (Isaiah 50:4). I like to search out prayers in the Bible that seem to apply to my situation. For example, praying the prayer the apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 1:18-19 is one of my favorites. I recommend choosing a Bible prayer for each of our family members.
When you decide on a prayer for your child, print it out and post it where you can see it often. Consider making a separate copy to place in your Bible or journal. Pray it when you rise in the morning and as you’re falling asleep at night. If your situation whirls in your mind and keeps you awake, verbally handing it over to Jesus when you crawl into bed is better than any sleeping pill.
6. Refuse to Feel Guilty
Guilt may assault you the moment you realize something needs to change. Satan wants you to feel sorry for yourself and take all the blame. There is no magic bullet for ending a behavior pattern years in the making. Because of the challenges involved in keeping your boundaries intact, your emotions may fluctuate and cause your guilt-o-meter to spike.
Your child may blame you for his new issues—ones that really stem from the consequences of his own actions.
Stop Satan in his tracks by reminding him that you confessed whatever unwitting part you played, and God forgave you. That forgiveness is complete and means God chooses not to remember your sin. Read Psalm 103:12 for confirmation of this truth. It’s over—even if it doesn’t feel like it.
If you struggle with the ability to stop enabling your child, you are not alone. Nothing is more painful than a rift in your relationship with a child, and it is only natural to want to preserve positive feelings. Now, however, you see the wisdom of ending the pattern, and the steps you can take toward a healthier bond.
The real power will come as you rely on the Holy Spirit to help you. If you will be transparent with your child about your motivation—her ultimate good—and honest about your dependence on God for help, then true healing can begin.
Kathryn Graves, author of Woven: Discovering Your Beautiful Tapestry of Confidence, Rest, and Focus, and Fashioned by God, holds a BA in Psychology, is a pastor’s wife and Bible teacher, and spent 15 years in the fashion industry. Kathryn is Mimi to five grandsons, and loves to play with color—including interior design, clothing, and painting with pastels. In addition to her website, find her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
The “pebble in your shoe” metaphor perfectly describes how small annoyances can slowly wear you down and ruin your day. Here are common pebbles that might be in your shoe and the best ways to remove them.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, but no one said you had to wear uncomfortable shoes
If you’ve ever been on a long hike, then you know the importance of comfort and how even one minor annoyance can make the whole journey far more difficult. You walk for miles and miles then suddenly experience an intense pain in your foot. You sit down, remove your shoe, and find a hard rock tightly wedged between your sweaty socks and shoe leather – ouch!
“It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out – it’s the grain of sand in your shoe.”
This is a popular motivational quote that is commonly attributed to the famous boxer Muhammad Ali, but the original has been published as far back as 1916 under anonymous authors.
The main idea is that even when it comes to huge goals, it’s often the tiniest things that hold us back and prevent us from accomplishing them. These minor annoyances may seem inconsequential at first, but over time they can cause significant discomfort, irritation, and weakness.
What pebbles are in your shoe? What’s one small change that would make your life infinitely easier? Here’s a list of everyday examples of tiny things that may be holding you back.
Everyday Examples of “The Pebble in Your Shoe”
The “pebble in your shoe” can take many forms — physical, mental, social, and emotional. It can be any small discomfort that grows into a bigger problem over time.
Here’s a list of common everyday examples with potential solutions for each one. Often times the sooner you remove the pebble, the easier things will be in the future.
Workplace Annoyance – A colleague’s constant habit of humming or tapping their pen can be a minor distraction that becomes increasingly irritating over time.
Solution: Mention your distraction in a nonjudgmental way without getting upset at the other person. Hopefully they will be more mindful in the future.
Messy Environment – Messy environments can have a subtle but significant effect on our stress levels and clarity of mind, especially a messy bedroom or car.
Solution: We often underestimate how much better we will feel once we clean something. We put off washing the car for weeks, then when we finally do it we think, “Why didn’t I do this weeks ago?”
Losing One Hour of Sleep – Just losing one hour of sleep can have a spillover effect on the rest of your day, causing you to be more tired, distracted, and moody.
Solution: Try to go to bed one hour early. Set up a nighttime routine that encourages relaxation. Find sleeping preferences that work best for you (temperature, clothes, pillows, etc.) Establish a consistent sleep routine that works for you.
Procrastinating on To-Do’s – The more you put off daily chores or obligations, the more pressing and stressful they become.
Solution: Cultivate a healthy sense of urgency toward easy tasks you can complete in 5 minutes or less. It’s easier to just get a simple task out of the way then to let it sit in your mind for days.
Minor Health Issues – Dealing with ongoing but minor health issues like a slight headache, back pain, or seasonal allergies can be a constant, low-level irritation.
Solution: Plan day accordingly. Take any doctor recommended medications or supplements. Let people know if you’re having an especially bad day, so you may be more cranky than usual.
Negative Personalities – People with negative personalities who constantly nitpick, complain, and talk about problems too much can be draining to be around for extended periods of time.
Solution: We’re influenced by the people we choose to be around through emotional contagion and network effects. If those you spend time around tend to bring out the worst in you, it may be time to find a new group of friends or environment.
Long Lines and Wait Times – Waiting in long lines at the grocery store, DMV, or for public transportation can be a persistent and annoying part of daily life.
Solution: If possible, go to places during times of the day/week when you know they are less busy. Check to see real-time traffic on Google and plan accordingly. Consider getting groceries delivered.
Tech Glitches – Regularly experiencing minor technical problems with gadgets, such as a phone that frequently freezes or a laptop with a temperamental battery, can be very frustrating.
Solution: When possible, fix or replace faulty tech that causes daily errors and frustrations. For awhile my keyboard had a couple broken keys, and it took me far too long to finally get a new one that operated way smoother.
Spam Calls and Emails – Receiving numerous unwanted telemarketing calls or spam emails can interrupt daily activities and become a persistent nuisance.
Solution: Immediately block and remove all spam numbers and emails. Set up caller ID, email filters, and other methods to block spam and advertisements from reaching you.
Misplaced Items – Frequently losing keys, glasses, or other essential items can create a recurring source of irritation and delay.
Solution: Dedicate a single place for certain items. Don’t take them off your person unless you are placing the item in its designated spot.
Household Chores – Small but recurring tasks like taking out the trash, doing the dishes, or folding laundry can feel like never-ending, nagging obligations.
Solution: Get small and easy tasks out of the way early and often. Learn the right mindset for doing things you don’t like, including listening to music or watching TV while doing something boring or tedious.
Repetitive Noises – Ongoing construction noise, a neighbor’s loud music, or people talking loudly can be minor disturbances that cumulatively cause significant discomfort and distraction.
Solution: When possible, block out unwanted noise with headphones, music, or white noise. Find ways to eliminate distractions by changing your environment.
Traffic Jams – Regularly encountering heavy traffic during commutes can be a daily irritant that wastes time and increases stress levels.
Solution: Do some research and find the best and fastest routes during certain times of the day. Have plenty of music or entertaining podcasts you can listen to if you get stuck in traffic.
Uncomfortable Room Temperature – Hot and humid temperatures can make us feel tired and lethargic, hurting our ability to concentrate and get work done.
Solution: Use fans and air conditioner to cool down. Open windows for ventilation. Wear light and breathable clothing. Stay hydrated and drink plenty of water.
Constant Notifications – Continuous alerts and notifications from apps, emails, or social media can disrupt concentration and productivity, becoming a persistent annoyance throughout the day.
Solution: Block or mute ALL notifications that aren’t urgent (texts/calls from family or friends). Create a digital environment that doesn’t have you on hyper alert 24/7.
Removing the “Pebble in Your Shoe”
In general, identifying and removing the pebbles in your shoe can make your life a whole lot easier. Here are core principles to keep in mind:
Identify the Issue Early – Recognize and acknowledge the small issue that’s causing the discomfort. This requires paying extra attention to your environment and how it influences your mental state. A less mindful person may be in a state of constant annoyance but not able to pinpoint the source of it. Try to be more aware of shifts in your mood and what spurs them.
Take Action – Take steps to address and resolve the issue as soon as possible. Often the sooner you take measures to correct something, the easier it will be to fix. This could mean having a conversation with a colleague, fixing a technical problem as soon as you spot it, or getting a quick chore out of the way as soon as you remember it.
Prevent Recurrence – Implement measures to prevent similar issues from arising in the future, such as setting up a more ergonomic workspace, creating healthy boundaries at work or home, scheduling daily chores and regular maintenance checks, or planning your day around avoidable inconveniences.
Remember that pebbles can take many forms which aren’t mentioned here. Take the time to step back, reflect, and ask yourself, “What are the pebbles in my shoe that can be removed?”
Conclusion
Of course, life can be annoying and we can’t always remove every single pebble.
Certain problems, frustrations, and stressors are just a part of everyday life – a nosy coworker, a loud neighborhood, reporting for jury duty, or the minor inconveniences of daily chores and responsibilities.
When you can’t control something, try to accept it with grace. After difficult days, feel free to go back to your comfort zone to recharge yourself.
The key lesson behind the “remove the pebble” philosophy isn’t that life should always be a cakewalk, but that we shouldn’t make life any harder than it needs to be.
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Most of what I’ve written here, I recently shared in my monthly note with my insider crew – my subscribers. About once a month, I send a personal note about what I’m thinking about and working on. This note had such a strong response that I thought it would be beneficial to share part of it on my blog, too.
It’s about listening. Or rather, being open to the idea that our minds are never really made up. Decisions, thoughts, and ideas are not, in fact, concrete. We may also have differing opinions from one another, which is okay – just because we may not agree, it doesn’t mean we have to cast labels on each other.
What we think today isn’t set in stone. We may even find that the root of our suffering is actually stemming from thoughts and beliefs that don’t serve us – so we must be open to evolving.
Something I’ve been thinking a lot about recently, and have spoken in depth about during my classes with the Culinary Nutrition Expert Program, is confirmation bias. My objective in teaching this program is not to be the voice in everyone’s head. I don’t want anyone ever to do something because “This is what Meghan said”. Instead, I challenge my students to ask critical questions and seek out the answers, and learn to trust in their own wisdom and their own thinking.
Confirmation bias is the practice of seeking out and favouring information that confirms our existing beliefs. It effectively closes us off from seeking out, let alone assimilating, new information. We are more inclined to seek information that confirms what we already believe or supports our assumptions. We look for evidence to confirm what we think – this is easier and it ensures we’re right. (I have spoken about this before as it relates to creating magic in our lives.)
There are many ways this function of human nature is designed to be protective, but there are also times where it becomes self-limiting.
I’ve been reading a really great book called You’re Not Listening, What You’re Missing And Why It Matters by Kate Murphy. It has me thinking a lot about what kind of listening I am doing, and also if anyone is listening to anyone anymore, or just seeking confirmation. Basically, are we all just trying to be right?
Have we stopped listening because we’re all so focussed on being right?
We live in a time when most of our daily conversations are had via keyboards and screens, where social media is anything but social, and where opinions and beliefs are becoming stronger than ever as we experience greater levels of long-term chronic fear (and with that stress), shutting down the amygdala, the part of our brain responsible for critical thinking.
The result of this is that too quickly, rather than being able to have conversations, share ideas, get clarifications, respectfully disagree without making it personal (or taking it personally), or putting someone in a box and throwing an extreme label on that box, it has become the reflex to cast a judgement, make assumptions, delete, and move on. Or sometimes even throwing a hateful comment their way first, before moving on. (Being the recipient of these on a weekly basis, they’re not effective if the goal is for the recipient to actually care. A kind, respectful, human response goes a lot further.)
As such, we continue to fill our feeds and our lives only with the information and people that support our existing beliefs. This limits our own potential for growth.
We’ve stopped listening. And when we stop listening, we stop accepting new information into our awareness. We block the opportunity for our minds to be changed, our actions to be changed, or to accept that perhaps we have the same objective but different ideas on how to get there. We lose the opportunity to accept that maybe we’re not right. Maybe we have more to learn, and that’s okay.
There is power in conversation, in being able not just to hear but also to actively listen, share ideas, perceptions and experiences, and be okay with the fact that we’re not all going to agree, or that two differing ideas could both be right.
We’re all trying to find our way through the chaos and unknowns of life right now and to do so, we need less separation and more listening. We may need to respectfully disagree, but taking the time to understand different perspectives can go a long way.
With all the chaos out there, I’ve started meditating again and it has been hard. Really hard. Meditation and yoga and walking in silence and journaling and whatever else you do to calm your mind and process stress is super easy when you are not experiencing heightened levels of stress.
This is how I recognized that I needed to jump back into it. The first time I sat to listen to my breath and let my mantra come, I checked the time about 23,456 times in twenty minutes. It was excruciating, but I kept sitting. It’s the bubbling. Stress coming out can feel a lot like it does coming in. But I am committing to it.
The other thing I am working on doing more of is being in my kitchen and cooking. It has always been my go-to activity for stress relief but lately, it’s been all about just getting the next meal done. And so with my team functioning so well and I’m not as needed day-to-day, I can take the time to get back to creating.
Though both of these things feel like they are just for me, meditation benefits the meditator and everyone around that person, just as cooking does.
Is there something you’ve reconnected with in the last little while that has been a source of joy and calm for you? Do share!
On My Mind Episode 04: Have We Stopped Listening? Have All of Us?
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It seems to me that if we can all reconnect with the sources of joy in our lives, we just might be able to remember who we are, our source, tune into that intuition and as a result, become more open to new thoughts, ideas, inspiration and each other.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for always being so open to listening.
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When my daughter reached her late teens and early twenties, our relationship went through a difficult period. Going away to college gave her an emotional distance that allowed her to more clearly perceive her past, including how I’d parented her. She began to recognize ways I’d caused her pain and how those wounds were affecting her and her relationships.
I’ve since discovered that this frequently occurs when children enter adulthood. If they feel relatively safe with their parent, there usually comes a time when they relay these hurts. Sometimes they do this calmly, and sometimes with the anger that stems from a deeply wounded soul. This can feel terrifying, especially for those who carry unresolved guilt and shame. In the moment, our child’s words might feel like rejection, thereby triggering defensiveness within us. In reality, our son or daughter is seeking healthier and more fulfilling interactions with us.
They are reaching toward us and asking, if not begging, for us to reach for them—in their pain. When we respond well, we help repair relational damage, bring healing to soul wounds, and strengthen joy-filled connections. When we react poorly, however, we tend to widen the fissures between us, deepen our child’s hurts, and make them less apt to reveal their truest selves, happy or sad, to us in the future.
Here are some six things I learned from my experience and listening to other moms and young adults:
1. Investigate When You Feel Defensive
According to mental health experts, defense mechanisms are unhealthy ways of coping with challenging situations, thoughts, and emotions. Unfortunately, we tend to exhibit these learned reactions before we can evaluate our circumstances or internal experiences. This makes it challenging to change our behavior. Our inability to do so can lead to increased guilt and shame.
The more we notice these unhelpful reactions and prayerfully consider their roots, the easier it becomes to regulate our emotions during tense and uncomfortable conversations. We’re more apt to speak from what my therapist refers to as our “Spirit-led self” rather than our insecurities and pain. Not only will this keep us from escalating the conflict, but our son or daughter is more likely to feel heard and loved, thereby encouraging calm communication.
2. Trust Your Child Wants to Retain Their Connection
Due to some of my unresolved, and initially unknown, pain, I viewed many of my daughter’s expressed hurts as rejection. Growing up, I’d learned connections ceased when I failed to meet other people’s expectations. Without realizing it, I carried these subconscious beliefs into my most important adult relationships. Therefore, when my daughter told me of times when I hadn’t behaved like the mom she needed and I longed to be, the unhealed places in my soul feared she was pushing me away.
In reality, those conversations revealed the opposite. She didn’t want “less” of me. She wanted more of me—the real, healthy me. She longed for us to build a mutually fulfilling relationship, one free of tension, insecurity, and dysfunction. Now, I’m grateful for her courage to speak the truth during that season because it encouraged us both to grow. Those discussions didn’t destroy or damage our relationship. Rather, they healed and strengthened it.
3. Listen to Their Heart More Than Their Words
While hurt or upset, it can be challenging to express ourselves in a calm, logical, and coherent way. We may not even realize the underlying emotions fueling our pain and frustration. For example, when my husband and I were first married, he would leave dirty clothes on the bathroom floor and dishes in the living room. Hearing my complaints, he assumed I was upset with the mess. My hurt went deeper. Because I assumed responsibility for maintaining our home, I felt devalued by his actions. Once he understood this, he was able to respond to my pain with the assurance and love I craved.
Young adults might exist in grown bodies, but their brains aren’t yet fully developed. Plus, they won’t be able to regulate intense emotions unless we’ve taught them to do so and have displayed how. Therefore, we can view tense conversations as opportunities to train and model healthier coping. We’ll also find that the more a person feels heard and understood, the safer and more loved they feel, which brings calm to their inner angst.
4. Seek and Follow God’s Lead
I once read a social media graphic that said something to the effect of, “If you’re still upset after twenty-four hours, address it.” While I understand the sentiment of not allowing a hurt or “offense” to fester, I disagree with the timeline, especially when dysfunction has crept into a relationship. In my case, God had a lot of work to do within me before I’d see the situation with my daughter clearly enough to engage in difficult discussions.
I didn’t realize how many experiences from my past influenced my present perspective. But God knew. He saw the depth of both of our hearts—our hurts and insecurities—and how and where we most needed growth and transformation. Often, when I prayed, asking Him to heal our relationship, He shifted my focus onto myself and what He wanted to do in me in that moment. He routinely called me to focus not on my desired outcome but simply my very next step.
At one point, I sensed Him telling me that He was bringing me to a place where I would be okay, regardless of how others reacted to me or behaved. In other words, He was leading me to increased wholeness so that I could love others, my daughter included, more freely and fully. Yielding to Him during that season felt painful and frightening, especially since He didn’t give me any guarantees in regard to my daughter. But I can see now His faithfulness and perfect wisdom for every moment, the most challenging included.
5. Get Help
Maya Angelou once said, “Do the best you can until you know better.” While I receive great comfort from her words, I still carry a lot of regret for the pain my ignorance caused. Borrowing from something counselor and author Gina Berkemeier once wrote, I tell my daughter often, “I wish I’d gotten help sooner.” I wish I’d been more aware of how generational patterns and wounds I experienced as a child impacted my parenting.
I wish I would’ve done the hard work, with professional help, to be the healthiest and most confident version of myself possible—prior to becoming a mom. Yet, while I carry regret for the wounds my learned dysfunction created, I’m incredibly grateful for where God has brought me—and my daughter and our relationship—now. I wouldn’t have reached this place on my own. I needed someone who loves Jesus and has years of relational education and experience that I lack.
I needed someone whose perspective of me and my situation wasn’t clouded by past hurts and the faulty thinking that came with them like I was. Both my daughter and I found such a resource in separate but equally Christ-led and wise counselors, and for that, I am beyond thankful.
6. Persevere
I know parents who have been struggling relationally with their adult child for years and battle discouragement and fatigue. They fear God might never heal their relationship. Even sadder are those who quit trying after a couple of tense years. I don’t say that with judgment as I understand the natural desire to withdraw in self-protection. But I’m also the adult child of a parent who chose to disengage. That left an ache I’m not sure will ever go away. Never wanting my daughter to feel such rejection, I determined to fight for her, even if she continuously pushed me away.
Thankfully, she’s a forgiving woman of God who persevered to bring increased health to our connection. But I hope, were she to have responded differently, I would’ve done all I could to ensure she knew that I would always strive to be her greatest fan and constant support.
Please don’t mishear me. I’m not suggesting a parent enable unhealthy or abusive behaviors. Denying the truth isn’t love, nor does that help anyone, the wayward child included. But one can maintain appropriate boundaries, when necessary, while still communicating, “I am for you, now and always. And I’ll never stop praying for you, reaching for you, or longing to see you thrive.”
Jennifer Slattery is a writer and speaker who hosts the Faith Over Fear podcast. She’s addressed women’s groups, Bible studies, and writers across the nation. She’s the author of Building a Family and numerous other titles and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLoud.com.
Are you searching for the best flower quotes and flower captions? This list has over one hundred beautiful flower sayings and inspirational floral quotes to lift your mood and put a smile on your face.
The power of flowers
Flowers just make life better, don’t they?
We use them to convey messages of love and support, we enjoy the beauty of flowers and their fragrance, and growing them in our gardens helps us to embrace nature and can even improve ourmental health. Flowers are also an absolutely vital part of our food chain, and contribute to the welfare of pretty much every species on our planet.
When you think about all of these ways that flowers impact on our lives, it’s no wonder that so many people have been inspired to write about them.
The very best flower quotes
I’ve created this bumper collection of flower quotes and captions about flowers to make it easy for you to find the perfect words.
I’ve included beautiful flower quotes, inspiring quotes about a flower, happy flower quotes, flower love quotes, and short flower quotes for when you want to keep it simple. There are also flower proverbs to enjoy, and funny flower quotes to make you giggle.
Make sure you bookmark this post, so you can come back to it whenever you need a floral quote for a photo or social media post – or simply a bit of a flower fix!
Aesthetic flower captions for instagram and flowers quotes for instagram photos
Looking for instagram captions about flowers, or a selection of flower quotes for instagram? You’ll be spoilt for choice with this selection of aesthetic flower quotes to use with your flower pictures. As well as being great captions for flowers photos, they’re also perfect for adding to floral greeting cards, school nature projects, and texts.
Make sure you check out my nature hashtags copy and paste lists too. As well as a list of popular hashtags for flower photos, there are lots of other nature-themed lists that will save you loads of time and help your instagram posts reach a wider audience.
Beautiful flower quotes
Here’s a selection of beautiful quotes about flowers to get you started.
“Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature.” – Gerard de Nerval
“Flowers are the music of the ground. From earth’s lips spoken without sound.” – Edwin Curran
“Earth laughs in flowers.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“She wore flowers in her hair and carried magic secrets in her eyes.” – Arundhati Roy
“If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly our whole life would change.” – Buddha
“Flowers… are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Don’t wait for someone to bring you flowers. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul.” – Luther Burbank
“Flowers whisper ‘Beauty!’ to the world, even as they fade, wilt, fall.” – Dr. SunWolf
“How does the Meadow flower its bloom unfold? Because the lovely little flower is free down to its root, and in that freedom bold.” – William Wordsworth
“Many eyes go through the meadow, but few see the flowers in it.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Happiness radiates like the fragrance from a flower and draws all good things towards you.” – Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
Joyful and happy flower quotes
If you need an uplifting caption for flowers, there are plenty here to choose from.
“Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.” – Luther Burbank
“In joy or sadness, flowers are our constant friends.” – Okakura Kakuzo
“People from a planet without flowers would think we must be mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us.” – Iris Murdoch
“Flowers are like friends; they bring colour to your world.”– Unknown
“Joy can spring like a flower even from the cliffs of despair.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh
“Happiness held is the seed; happiness shared is the flower.” – John Harrigan
Inspiring flower quotes
These inspirational flower quotes work brilliantly as captions for flower photos, but they’re also a lovely pick-me-up in their own right.
“Where flowers bloom, so does hope.” – Lady Bird Johnson
“Even the tiniest of flowers can have the toughest roots.” – Shannon Mullen
“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” – Zen Shin
“Flowers grow back, even after they are stepped on. So will I.” – Unknown
“The flower that follows the sun does so even in cloudy days.” – Robert Leighton
“Stretching his hand up to reach the stars, too often man forgets the flowers at his feet.” – Jeremy Bentham
“Deep in their roots, all flowers keep the light.” – Theodore Roethke
“I’d rather wear flowers in my hair, than diamonds around my neck.” – Unknown
“A rose can never be a sunflower, and a sunflower can never be a rose. All flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that’s like women too.” – Miranda Kerr
“By plucking her petals, you do not gather the beauty of the flower.” – Rabindranath Tagore
“Flowers don’t tell; they show.” – Stephanie Skeem
“It will never rain roses: when we want to have more roses we must plant more trees.” – George Eliot
“Don’t let the tall weeds cast a shadow on the beautiful flowers in your garden.” – Steve Maraboli
“Be honest, be nice, be a flower not a weed.” – Aaron Neville
Funny flower quotes
Keep things light-hearted with these funny flower blossom quotes and funny flower captions.
“If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.” -Doug Larson
“I named all my children after flowers. There’s Lillie and Rose and my son, Artificial.” – Bert Williams
“If you think squash is a competitive activity, try flower arranging.” – Alan Bennett
“If you want to say it with flowers, remember that a single rose screams in your face: ‘I’m cheap!” – Delta Burke
“At my age flowers scare me.” – George Burns
“Money is a powerful aphrodisiac but flowers work almost as well.” – Robert A. Heinlein
“Don’t send me flowers when I’m dead. If you like me, send them while I’m alive.” – Brian Clough
Blooming flower quotes
These best quotes about blooming flowers are the perfect accompaniment to a stunning bouquet.
“A flower does not use words to announce its arrival to the world; it just blooms.” – Mashona Dhliwayo
“Flowers don’t worry about how they’re going to bloom. They just open up and turn toward the light and that makes them beautiful.” – Jim Carrey
“Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colours, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night.” – Rainer Maria Rilke
“Minds are like flowers; they open only when the time is right.” – Unknown
“A flower blooming in the desert proves to the world that adversity, no matter how great, can be overcome.” – Matshona Dhliwayo
“Every flower blooms in its own time.” – Ken Petti
“If you tend to a flower, it will bloom, no matter how many weeds surround it.” – Matshona Dhliwayo
Wild flower quotes
Like your flowers more natural? Check out these wildflower quotes.
“Like wildflowers, you must allow yourself to grow in all the places people thought you never would.” – E.V.
“Almost every person, from childhood, has been touched by the untamed beauty of wildflowers.” – Lady Bird Johnson
“She is like a wildflower; beautiful, fierce, and free.” – Unknown
“One person’s weed is another person’s wildflower.” – Susan Wittig Albert
“What a lonely place it would be to have a world without a wildflower!” – Roland R. Kemler
“Let us dance in the sun, wearing wild flowers in our hair.” – Susan Polis Schutz
Flower love quotes
Sometimes flowers can say a thousand words, but these love quotes about flowers can also help you get the message across.
“A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love.” – Max Muller
“If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.” – Claudia AdrienneGrandi
“Life is the flower for which love is the honey.” – Victor Hugo
“Love is flower like; Friendship is like a sheltering tree.” – Samuel Taylor Coleridge
“The rose is the flower and handmaiden of love – the lily, her fair associate, is the emblem of beauty and purity.” – Dorothea Dix
“She sprouted love like flowers, grew a garden in her mind, and even on the darkest days, from her smile the sun still shined.” – Erin Hanson
“Love is like wildflowers; it’s often found in the most unlikely places.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“No matter how chaotic it is, wildflowers will still spring up in the middle of nowhere.” – Sheryl Crow
“My love for you blossoms every day.” – Unknown
“A weed is no more than a flower in disguise, Which is seen through at once if love gives a man eyes.” – James Russell Lowell
“Love is the flower you’ve got to let grow.” – John Lennon
Short flower quotes
Keep it simple with these short quotes about flowers and short flower captions for instagram.
“A flower blossoms for its own joy.” – Oscar Wilde
“Flowers are restful to look at. They have neither emotions nor conflicts.” – Sigmund Freud
“The flower that smells the sweetest is shy and lowly.” – William Wordsworth
“He is happiest who hath power to gather wisdom from a flower.” – Mary Howitt
“I must have flowers, always, and always.” – Claude Monet
“Butterflies are self-propelled flowers.” – Robert A. Heinlein
“Every flower must grow through dirt.” – Laurie Jean Sennott
“A weed is but an unloved flower.” – Ella Wheeler Wilcox
“These stars of earth, these golden flowers.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“There are always flowers for those who want to see them.” – Henri Matisse
“To me, flowers are happiness.” – Stefano Gabbana
“Flowers preach to us if we will hear.” – Christina Rossetti
Flower quotes about life
How about some quotes on flowers and life to inspire you?
“We don’t ask a flower any special reason for its existence. We just look at it and are able to accept it as being something different from ourselves.” – Gwendolyn Brooks
“Just living is not enough… one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.” – Hans Christian Andersen
“Flowers grow out of dark moments.” – Corita Kent
“I am in awe of flowers. Not because of their colours, but because even though they have dirt in their roots, they still grow. They still bloom.” – D. Antoinette Foy
“I always think the flowers can see us, and know what we are thinking about.” – George Eliot
“Flowers didn’t ask to be flowers and I didn’t ask to be me.” – Kurt Vonnegut
“A world of grief and pain, flowers bloom – even then.” – Kobayashi Issa
Quotes about spring flowers
There’s an abundance of spring-themed flower quotes and blossom quotes to enjoy.
“The first blooms of spring always make my heart sing.” – S. Brown
“Spring unlocks the flowers to paint the laughing soil.” – Bishop Reginald Heber
“You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming.” – Pablo Neruda
“If every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness.” – St Therese of Lisieux
“If you’ve never been thrilled to the very edges of your soul by a flower in spring bloom, maybe your soul has never been in bloom.” – Audra Foveo
“What a strange thing! To be alive, beneath cherry blossoms.” – Kobayashi Issa
“Never yet was a springtime, when the buds forgot to bloom.” – Margaret Elizabeth Sangster
“Can words describe the fragrance of the very breath of spring?” – Neltje Blanchan
“Blossom by blossom the spring begins.” – Algernon Charles Swinburne
“When all at once I saw a crowd, A host, of golden daffodils; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.” – William Wordsworth
“I love spring anywhere, but if I could choose I would always greet it in a garden.” – Ruth Stout
Gardens and flowers go hand-in-hand, so you may need one of these garden-themed instagram flower quotes.
“Gardens and flowers have a way of bringing people together, drawing them from their homes.” – Clare Ansberry
“The very best relationship has a gardener and a flower. The gardener nurtures and the flower blooms.” – Carole Radziwill
“Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.” – A A Milne
“I appreciate the misunderstanding I have had with Nature over my perennial border. I think it is a flower garden; she thinks it is a meadow lacking grass, and tries to correct the error.” – Sara Stein
“If you’ve never experienced the joy of accomplishing more than you can imagine, plant a garden.” – Robert Brault
“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” – Audrey Hepburn
Smell the flowers quotes
These meaningful flower quotations will get you thinking.
“You’re only here for a short visit. Don’t hurry, don’t worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.” – Walter Hagen
“I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some.” – Herbert Rappaport
“Take time to smell the roses.” – Proverb
“I love to smell flowers in the dark … You get hold of their soul then.” – Lucy Maud Montgomery
“As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.” – Ben Hogan
“The beauty of life is in each precious moment! Stop and smell the roses” – Unknown
Flower sayings & Flower proverbs
For a time-honoured saying about flowers, proverbs are always worth a look.
Happiness is to hold flowers in both hands. – Japanese proverb
All the flowers of tomorrow are in the seeds of today. – Indian proverb
A person born to be a flower pot will not go beyond the porch. – Mexican Proverb
April showers bring May flowers. – English proverb
The flowers in your garden don’t smell as sweet as those in the wild, but they last much longer. – Chinese Proverb
To an optimist every weed is a flower; to a pessimist every flower is a weed. – Finnish proverb
A good bee will not go to a drooping flower. – Romanian Proverb
The most beautiful flowers flourish in the shade. – Japanese Proverb
The gardener who loves roses is slave to a thousand thorns. – Turkish proverb
Yesterday’s flowers are today’s dreams. – Japanese proverb
More lovely flower quotes
Still hungry for more quotations about flowers?
“Love is like a beautiful flower which I may not touch, but whose fragrance makes the garden a place of delight just the same.” – Helen Keller
“Perfumes are the feelings of flowers” – Heinrich Heine
“All the stars are a-bloom with flowers” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
“These flowers are like the pleasures of the world.” – William Shakespeare
“The Amen of nature is always a flower.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr
“After women, flowers are the most lovely thing God has given the world.” – Christian Dior
“The butterfly is a flying flower, The flower a tethered butterfly.” – Ponce Denis Écouchard Lebrun
“Loveliest of lovely things are they on earth that soonest pass away. The rose that lives its little hour is prized beyond the sculptured flower.” – William Cullen Bryant
“Flowers have spoken to me more than I can tell in written words. They are the hieroglyphics of angels, loved by all men for the beauty of their character.” – Lydia Maria Child
“Every flower blooms at a different pace.” – Suzy Kassem
“Politeness is the flower of humanity.” – Joseph Joubert
“Open the bloom of your heart and become a gift of beauty to the world.” – Bryant McGill
“Flowers are love’s truest language.” – Park Benjamin Sr.
“Live life in full bloom.” – Unknown
“No matter how chaotic it is, wildflowers will still spring up in the middle of nowhere.” – Sheryl Crow
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The question was dreaded, and my daughter waited patiently for her answer. She was ten years old. I may have had a heart attack. After a moment to calm myself, I first inquired why she was asking and was immediately relieved that she wasn’t of the mindset to start dating but that her friend in 4th grade had just announced she had a boyfriend. In addition to that, she reminded me that her cousin had been told she had to be sixteen before she could date.
My response was to ask her the same questions. “How old do you think you should be before you start dating?”
She opted for the typical sixteen, probably because that seems to be a norm in many families we’re around. Fast forward, and she’s well on her way to being fifteen, so hypothetically, we’re only about a year and a half away from the magical dating age of sixteen. We had a similar conversation the other day; only I initiated it.
“So, are you going to start dating when you’re sixteen?”
She stared at me in shock that I asked and then replied, “Why waste my time?”
After I got done doing my secret happy dance in the kitchen and throwing broken spaghetti noodles as makeshift confetti, I realized that was an interesting response for a teenage girl to give. I called her back in and asked her why she’d reacted that way.
“Well, it’s not like I’m going to get married when I’m sixteen. Not to mention, the whole dating thing seems to wreck friendships, and I’d rather not do that when there’s no end game to dating. I’ll wait until I’m older. Like maybe eighteen. When I can start thinking about the long-term.”
It was all so practical and nonchalant; not the atypical teenager. So I’ll take it. But that brings me to my point. If you asked me today how old my daughter needs to be before I’m comfortable with her dating, I’d say she can make up her own mind at this point going forward. But that’s also because she’s shown a remarkable and, I believe, God-given amount of maturity when weighing the pros and cons of dating as a teenager. Her motivations for dating aren’t status, competition, emotional highs, or hormonal impulses. Right now, anyway, her motivations for dating are to find someone who shares her values, heart, and faith and has an end game in mind.
So what is it about the magical age of sixteen? I think we’ve landed on applying an age to dating because it sets expectations and, in a way, gives us, as parents, an out for the younger years. Sixteen is the age at which kids begin to drive, often start being employed more consistently, and begin testing the waters more seriously for adulthood. I could make the argument that, based on those pressures alone, adding a relationship and dating is the perfect reason why sixteen is simply too young to date. But I won’t.
Instead, the argument I’d like to make—or rather the challenge I’d like to put out there for parents—is to avoid the magic age of anything for dating. There’s a lot that goes into teenage relationships. Must I list the pressures? Physical affection, peer pressure, boy/girl dating drama in high school, the added elements of social media, photos, texting, and rumor-mongering, etc. That’s a lot to process as your brain is still developing into adulthood. And truly, what is the end game of a teenage dating relationship? I’ve known two sets of high-school sweethearts in my lifetime that got married. That’s not a strong statistic for a long-term probability of faithfulness.
That being said, a parent may argue that teenage dating is for learning how to interact with the opposite gender in a relationship construct. They may say teenage dating isn’t meant to be for courtship or marriage, but instead, it’s just for fun, socialization, and the learning experience. And you could be right. I’m not here to argue for or against teenage dating but rather to help us determine the right age to start dating.
So, as parents, let’s ask ourselves these questions instead:
Does my child have a track record of integrity and self-control?
Does my child have enough self-worth to say “no” when it’s needed and to stand up for themselves in the event of abuse, bullying, and so on?
Does my child respect themself enough to be content as their own individual, or do they example a more needy personality that relies on another person for their contentedness, happiness, and self-worth?
Does my child have the wherewithal to deny their own emotional impulses?
Does my child have the ability to set healthy boundaries?
Does my child have a clear idea of what they want and need in a boyfriend/girlfriend?
And the list of questions goes on. I realize some of us are reading that list and thinking, “I’m not sure I even fulfill the proper answer to those questions!”
Therein lies my point. Dating at any age is an ongoing learning process on how to balance relationships, healthy boundaries, faith, emotional and mental health, and spiritual consistency. So as your teenager is developing in these areas on their own, if they begin dating, they’ve now introduced another person into the equation of influencing their development. This can be very positive. It can be very negative. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer.
And that’s really what it comes down to. I propose that there isn’t one right age for your child to begin dating. It might cause some family strife, but you may have one child who could start responsibly dating by the time they’re fifteen and the other not until they’re seventeen. Of course, once they’re eighteen, you’re pretty much out of luck enforcing anything, and some of us aren’t sure our twenty-some-year-olds should be dating yet.
The key is helping prepare your children for dating. Taking that list of questions and being conscientious in helping them learn those qualities, establish those beliefs and philosophies, and build their own sets of boundaries.
As someone who was in youth ministry for over twenty years, I saw far too many teenage dating relationships begin on the endorphin rush of “he/she is cute” and the adrenaline of being able to announce to peers that “I’m dating so and so.” Those relationships typically crash and burn fast, resulting in “cheating” (not even sexually, but when a boy texts another girl, cheating has occurred), and then the gossip and chatter begin among the peers, which only exacerbates the situation. I’ve also seen some healthy teenage dating relationships that didn’t end in marriage but maybe lasted eight months to a year. But those relationships had healthy boundaries the teenagers set for themselves and their parents set for them. Those teenagers also typically had healthy relationships with their parents and a foundational base of their own faith and self-esteem that they weren’t relying on their dating partner to create their value.
So as a parent, be careful of choosing an “age” when dating is “okay.” Your teenager may not be ready yet, and when you get there, you might regret ever setting that criteria. On the flip side, your teenager may be mature and ready to explore relationships in a healthy way that isn’t detrimental to their development. It might seem a tad overbearing at that point to hold the age of 18 over them as the age they can choose to date and there’s no dating allowed as a teenager prior.
Take your time to know your child. Take the time to instill values in them and truly ask yourself the questions that will help you identify if your child has reached the level of maturity to handle a relationship responsibly.
Will there be break-ups? Most likely. Broken hearts? Probably. Mistakes made? Inevitably. But the foundation of your child plays a big part in how severe those -lys become. So be cautious of identifying one right age, and instead, identify your child’s character and maturity, and go from there.
Jaime Jo Wright is an ECPA and Publisher’s Weekly bestselling author. Her novel “The House on Foster Hill” won the prestigious Christy Award and she continues to publish Gothic thrillers for the inspirational market. Jaime Jo resides in the woods of Wisconsin, lives in dreamland, exists in reality, and invites you to join her adventures at jaimewrightbooks.com and at her podcast madlitmusings.com where she discusses the deeper issues of story and faith with fellow authors.
The time in between is where the magic is. It’s what I am learning to live for and be present for. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard though. It’s hard to get there. Now more than ever perhaps.
In fact, for me, writing is one of those things that fills a need for my mental wellbeing. It’s how I process ideas. Some of it you get to read, some of it never sees the light of day. I go into the zone where my heart and brain are in full coherence. I am in flow. You know this feeling, but perhaps haven’t given it the acknowledgement and appreciation it needs. If you have young children, it’s an absolute joy to witness them in this state. They’re focussed, calm and often can be found humming or singing, or even talking to themselves as they go about doing whatever it is they’re doing.
As adults we’ve been trained (and perhaps conditioned) to fill all the time we have. We fill it with perpetual busyness and when we don’t have something to do, we get twitchy. Hello phones! We scroll, we click, we formulate comments, we scroll and click some more until it’s time for us to do something else. More time filled.
With what? Every moment that passes us by, where we fail to be present is a potential wasted opportunity of just being; of enjoying that time in between where we experience absolute joy and happiness.
Look around yourself right now. If you’re in your home, consider that everything that surrounds you, all the stuff, was once money. And that money was once your time. Is it all worth it? It might just be. The next question of course is if you’re mindfully enjoying what your time and effort has provided for you, or have you already moved on to the next distraction? The next need?
As the weight of the world continues to feel heavier and heavier upon all our shoulders, it becomes ever more critical to create the headspace and the physical space in our lives to be able to be present for the time in between. We cannot do this if we are overwhelmed by jumble in our minds and homes.
When it can be exquisitely easy to be consumed by the chaos, the fear, the tragedy and the overwhelming feeling of helplessness, we can also choose joy. We can choose to find the times to be present with the big and small joys in our life. It always begins in our mind. Yes, some moments will be easier than others.
Here is what I can promise you: with your effort, you will reap the benefit. Maybe today it’s two minutes of just walking hand in hand with your child. Or maybe it’s looking up from your computer to watch a bird on a tree. Maybe it’s that first embrace with someone you haven’t seen in a long time. And maybe it’s taking a half day off of work to sit and read a book on the grass.
Stopping to enjoy the time we create to be still might just take the most discipline of all. But for those of you who are productivity junkies like me, here’s a tip – when you take those breaks, everything else works more efficiently. Your body, brain, and whatever it is you seek to create.
Take a pause.
And when you’re done, if you’re still reading, you’ll want to take a moment to look at how I’m working to help guide people to more peace, calm, and compassionate leadership. It takes time between the doing to do it all with heart.
On My Mind Episode 30: The Time In Between: How To Be Present
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Photo Credit: Nilkki McKean
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