If you know someone who stans the almighty Meme Lord and CEO of the Boring Company Elon Musk, here are things you should never say.
“It sometimes seems like he craves attention.”
Oh, so you’re one of those woke libtards, huh?
“I totally get it. I’m obsessed with Volvo CEO Martin Lundstedt.”
This will be a conversational dead end, as Lundstedt lacks Musk’s infectious charisma and je ne sais quoi.
“What’s your favorite Tesla lawsuit?”
For true stans, it’s impossible to choose between the 40-plus racial and sexual harassment cases.
“He dies in the end.”
You may know the end to his story, but there’s no need to ruin it for people who’ve never come to grips with the reality that he is but a man.
“It’s kinda weird that he wears diapers.”
Actually, for a man like Musk, relieving himself in a diaper rather than a toilet is a far more efficient use of his valuable time.
“No one who has been close to him speaks well of him.”
This, however, is a trick, as no one has ever truly been close to him.
“He’s not even in my top five tyrants.”
There’s no need to rank them.
“He’s impregnated everyone else. Why not you?”
Pointing out the obvious will just make her feel bad.
“Did you know that Henry Ford also once started an automobile company?”
Implying that Elon Musk is in any way similar to anyone who existed before him is pretty much guaranteed to lead to a fistfight.
“Elon Musk is going to ruin Twitter.”
They will rightly point out that Twitter was already ruined. He will just make it worse.
“Elon Musk is too funny.”
Elon Musk is the perfect amount of funny, asshole.
“Age of consent laws are good.”
Just testing something here…
“Elon’s definitely coming to your birthday party.”
Don’t give them false hope their father will acknowledge them.
“As a woman, I…”
The only two outcomes from saying this are a violent death threat or total dismissal of your personhood.
“Please stop harassing me on Twitter.”
This will only make things worse.
“I’m looking for podcast recommendations.”
Only terrors lie down this path.
“Please clean your room.”
Don’t be such a bitch, Mom.
“Hi.”
Bad idea all around.
