“Her smile is not her smile.” That haunting phrase from sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild wasn’t written for exhausted CEOs, but it could have been. Years ago, I was a top producer in a large sales organization, mentoring new hires by day and wrangling two toddlers by night. I was smiling on the outside and simmering on the inside—the kind of bone-tiredness that even the strongest coffee couldn’t fix.
What is surface acting
That’s what researchers call surface acting—suppressing what you feel and simply faking what you must show. In leadership, you likely treat it as part of the job description, but new research shows it’s the start of a vicious spiral.
Researchers from the Journal of Organizational Behavior tracked employees throughout 10 workdays and they discovered a telling pattern. When people start the day low on energy, they’re far more likely to rely on surface acting because deep acting—genuinely reshaping your emotional response—takes up-front investment. If you’re already drained, you skip it. Relying on surface acting drains energy even more the next morning. Thus, you are more likely to fake it again. Hello, loop.
When emotional labor becomes habitual
This cycle of emotional performance isn’t new. Hochschild coined the term “emotional labor” in her groundbreaking book The Managed Heart, describing how flight attendants and bill collectors were trained to regulate both what they showed and what they felt—not for connection, but for commerce.
She identified two types of emotional labor:
- Surface acting: Where you fake the required emotions (“nicer than natural” or “nastier than natural”).
- Deep acting: Where you internally align with those emotions.
Hochschild warned that surface acting leads to a dangerous estrangement, not just from others, but from yourself too. “Her smile is not her smile,” she wrote of a flight attendant—a line that perfectly captures how modern leaders can lose themselves when emotional labor becomes chronic.
That insight connects directly to what my team at Limitless Minds teaches as neutral thinking. When your mindset is reactive and has thoughts like “I just need to put on a face,” you are surface acting. When you pause and engage with perspective and think, “I feel X. What do I choose to show?” you are deep acting.
Surface acting may feel easier in the moment, but it’s costly over time. Research links it to lower job satisfaction, poorer well-being, higher turnover, and more emotional exhaustion. Deep acting, on the other hand, aligns your internal state with your external display and leads to much healthier outcomes.
What this looks like in real leadership
Rewind to that meeting I mentioned earlier. I wish I could say I caught myself in the act, but truthfully, I didn’t. Like most leaders, I thought holding it together was the same as holding it well.
What if, instead of forcing the smile, I’d taken a micro-break five minutes before—if I’d stepped away, acknowledged my exhaustion, and reminded myself of my team’s needs rather than just the message? What if I’d said, “Team, I’ll be honest with you. I’m drained. I know this quarter has been tough, and that stings. Let’s talk about it openly.” That shift—from surface to deep acting, grounded in mindset—changes everything.
Warning signs you might be stuck in a surface acting spiral
In the morning, you wake up already depleted, dreading the day. You feel disconnected from your team, as if the interactions are hollow. You struggle to manage your own or others’ emotions, so you lash out or numb out afterward.
Research from the National Library of Medicine confirms the negative effects. Surface acting undermines self-control later in the day, and people who deep act drink less and engage in fewer negative behaviors. So how do you break free from the cycle? From my work on mindset and emerging research, here’s a quick five-step reset.
1. Micro-pause at midday.
Take five minutes to detach—walk outside, breathe, and look at nature. Studies show stealing five minutes from the chaos and giving your brain a timeout replenishes energy and reduces the need for surface acting.
2. Reframe the moment.
Before your next interaction, ask yourself, “What’s this really about? What’s under the surface?” Acknowledge it, then choose how to engage. That’s neutral thinking in action.
3. Focus on low-effort restoration after work.
Research from the Journal of Organizational Behavior shows that even simple relaxation—like reading, music, or stretching—protects you from surface-acting fatigue the next day.
4. Share something real.
You don’t need a deep therapy session. Acknowledge to your team or a trusted peer, “I’m feeling a bit used up today, so I might lean on you.” That small act of openness eases the pressure. More importantly, it strengthens what research calls social muscle strength: your ability to connect and recover faster through genuine human moments. In other words, when you share emotions instead of suppressing them, you build the resilience that keeps you from surface acting tomorrow.
5. Schedule the reset.
Build it into tomorrow. “I’ll arrive 10 minutes early. I’ll center myself. I’ll review this question: How do I want to show up, rather than just show?” You might think, “I don’t have time for that!” That’s exactly the issue. When you’re running on empty, surface acting feels like the shortcut, but it’s actually the long road. It drains you, disconnects your team, and strips away your chance to lead deliberately.
Coming back to neutral is the mindset shift that says, “I’m not just going to act. I’m going to observe, respond, and choose.” When your inner state and outer expression finally align, you move from fake-smile survival mode into meaningful leadership mode.
The next time you’re in front of a drained room, skip the performance. Step into the pause and choose how you show up. You might just find that the most powerful thing you can offer isn’t the perfect smile—it’s a real one.
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.
Henna Pryor
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