Taylor Swift is said to have broken up with Matty Healy, a racist man who looks like a cotton swab with belly button lint for hair. When she inevitably moves on to the next mess of a relationship inevitably, she will be ready for a romance with someone truly special…and that person should be Bret Michaels.
Now, usually I would be thrusting my bussy protectively against Bret to make sure that no other bitch got to him. But, let’s be real, I am a humble non-celebrity, and Bret deserves the most perfect powerful pussy and rich white coochie mountain of Taylor Swift. So, without further ado, where is why they would be the perfect couple.
Taylor is from Wyomissing and lived in a half-million dollar mansion purchased by her stockbroker father.
In spite of their northern roots, both have “country” vibes. Taylor faked a country accent and wore cowboy boots for her country music career, and Bret regularly wears a cowboy hat.
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Both had a gang of girls around them constantly. Bret’s girl gang was made of the non-famous yet beautiful-ish ladies of Rock of Love, Rock of Love 2, and Rock of Love: Bus. Taylor’s was made of Victoria’s Secret models, lesser pop stars, and B-list actresses. Clearly, Bret and Taylor love to be at the center of a gaggle of girls.
Taylor likes men who look like her brother, and Bret looks just like her. I have nothing else to add about this.
Finally, they both wrote beautiful, genius, and not-at-all cliché lyrics about roses and thorns.
In the classic rock classic “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” Bret Michaels sings:
Every rose has its thorn
In “Blank Space,” Taylor sings:
Rose garden
Full of thorns
This indicates that they are destined to be soul mates, as they have the same music in their soul.
To help you visualize this couple, I have photoshopped some paparazzi photos of Taylor and her boyfriend and Bret with his various Rock of Love groupies.
What would Bret and Taylor’s celebrity couple name be?
Bret Michaelswift
9(8.8%)
The rose and the thorn (the rose is Bret, obviously)
24(23.5%)
You Bretlong With Me
31(30.4%)
mods, ty for the bret michaels tag!!!!!
hotties_chicken
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