Do you ever just wake up not having it? Maybe I am feeling this more lately because of my age and gender, but there are just some days when I wake up and can feel that my patience tank is low before my feet even hit the ground. Life is taxing. We have deadlines, responsibilities, children, bills, stressors, and more that all suck the grace right out of us.
This is why we need to be reminded daily of 1 Corinthians 13:4, which states, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” Choosing patience with our spouse, even when the world is our nemesis, can save us from so many arguments and hurt feelings, and keep us unified.
As soon as impatience takes over our speech and actions, division starts to define our interactions. There is a huge difference between feeling overwhelmed and offering our spouse an exhausted, cold shoulder and us gracefully explaining to our spouse our current emotional state. When we choose to share with grace the truth about how we are doing, we enlist our spouse as our partner. Patience is not a denial of our needs; it’s a choice to be kind in how we share those needs. Patience in marriage takes practice! We have to do our best to respond to each other, not react to each other. God has been patient with us; we are to extend that same grace to our spouse.
In our marriage, this has historically been a struggle for us. We often show each other the least amount of patience. Everyone else gets the best of us, leaving each other the scraps. We’ve learned the hard way that this is a great way to become really unhappy together, so we have had to take steps to practice choosing patience with each other.
Some strategies that have helped include planning weekly check-ins that are designed for us to offer each other honest feedback and updates. Then we are not sharing our hurts, needs, anger, etc., in passing, but are trying to create a safe space to hear each other during the week. If conversations get tense, take a moment to pause and even hug if possible. This can stop the conversation train from going to a really ugly place. Choose a grace-filled narrative for your partner when they are visibly tense, rather than blaming them for their bad behavior. Everyone needs a chance to work through their bad days without harsh judgment from their partner.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/LaylaBird
Amanda Idleman
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