What should happen across the soap dial in 2023? Check out what Digest columnist Carolyn Hinsey has to say about what’s happening across the daytime dial.
OMG, is it another new year already? Never mind losing weight, saving money, blah blah — let’s make some resolutions for our soaps.
Play Families Together
Pretty much every scene can be improved by adding a family member. DAYS’s Kristen blackmailed Brady into letting her and Rachel move into John and Marlena’s house, and Marlena eye-rolled all the way to Christmas.
John (surveying Rachel’s list for Santa): “A dream house for Granny Mar Mar doll?”
Marlena: “It’s okay if you just call me Grandma.”
Rachel: “Mommy said you like that name.”
Marlena: “Mommy’s confused.”
Kristen told Rachel she could ask Santa for Mommy and Daddy to get married, which is reason No. 900 why Kristen should not be allowed anywhere near children. Marlena was having none of it and set the kid straight.
John: “I think what Granny Mar Mar, I mean Grandma, is trying to say is….”
Ha! Salem’s ace psychiatrist also tried to explain to the psycho that it’s not right to make unreasonable promises to her daughter.
Kristen: “I know that look. You’re about to bore me with one of your tedious lectures.”
Marlena’s lectures are anything but boring. Add her to every scene with anyone who is a Brady or is Brady-adjacent this year.
Beggars Can’t Be Heroines
I’m fine with characters like DAYS’s Kristen, Y&R’s Diane, GH’s Esme and B&B’s Sheila doing desperate things to catch a man, but a viable leading lady cannot be desperately sniffing after a man in 2023. In related news, I am very happy to report that perpetual man-sniffer Brooke Logan finally grew a spine and set Ridge straight on B&B after he annulled their marriage without telling her why and walked down the aisle with Taylor.
Brooke: “Why couldn’t you talk to me? This back and forth has to stop.”
Ridge: “You’re right.”
Brooke: “My self-respect has really taken a beating over the years. When I look in the mirror I like the woman I see. I won’t take anything less than I deserve. Now it’s your turn to figure it out.”
Finally!
Stop Making Marriage A Plot Point
B&B’s Taylor wanted that ring so badly she was willing to begin her marriage to Ridge with a lie — as if walking down the aisle would mean “forever” when Ridge annulled his marriage to Brooke in five minutes. It was a plot point, not a promise.
Brooke: “I expected better from you.”
Not me. Taylor has been a needy mess since her return.
Play Exes Together
Divorced couples have history and secrets and know how to push each other’s buttons. GH’s Anna and Robert are the gold standard, but did you catch Phyllis and Jack’s epic battle on Y&R over Phyllis telling the menacing Jeremy Stark how to find Diane?
Phyllis: “This is not my fault.”
Jack: “And it wasn’t your fault when you tortured Christine all those years ago and made Sharon’s life a living hell.”
Phyllis: “You’re bringing back my past?”
Jack: “A word of warning: Marchetti is a subsidiary of Jabot. I am Jabot.”
Threatening her job was a nice touch. Other exes I’d like to see screaming at each other include B&B’s Bill/Katie (let him have it!), GH’s Spencer/Esme (let her have it!), and is DAYS’s Johnny ever going to smack down Ava for killing his grandmother?
Make New Couples With Existing Characters
Don’t bring on newbies, dance with the ones you’ve got! GH’s Robert and Diane could do some serious tangoing.
Diane: “I did not take you for a lover of poetry.”
Robert: “I’ve still got some surprises left.”
GH had a good thing going with Austin and Britt but they paired Austin with Maxie, and Britt with a newbie named Cody and the wheels fell off. Britt’s health spiral has been surprisingly entertaining, telling Ava, “I haven’t had relationship sex since 2014 with your husband,” but she should have had “relationship sex” with Austin.
DAYS’s Eric and Jada were meh, but Nicole and EJ are interesting because we’re familiar with them. You can scrap Y&R’s Noah/ Allie/Audra/Tucker or whatever that’s supposed to be because we don’t know any of them. However, Nick and Sally could shake things up but good.
Nick (spying Sally’s unmade bed and Adam’s exit): “I guess this is a bad time.”
And, as preposterous as it was that B&B’s Quinn crawled out of Carter’s bed and disappeared, Katie and Carter could be a believable couple if they tell it right.
Katie: “We’ve gotten close.”
Donna: “How close?”
Katie: “Not as close as you’re thinking.”
That’s a good start.
Shake Up The Locations
Enough with the limbo hotels, of office desks and park benches. I know money is tight, but a little creativity goes a long way. DAYS has worked wonders with simple tables outside the Sweet Bits bakery and Y&R hosts a daily coffee klatch in front of Sharon’s counter at Crimson Lights. Most creative was GH making a prison cell out of a tile wall and a red telephone so Victor Cassadine could visit Spencer in prison and run into the kid’s other uncle, Cyrus Renault.
Victor: “I’m Spencer’s actual family.”
Cyrus: “I know who you are.”
Twisted Works
I’m sorry, but delivering Sheila’s severed toe to Finn as what was left of her remains was genius.
Steffy: “What are you doing with Sheila’s toe?”
Finn: “Hopefully getting some answers. It’s a little convenient, Sheila being mauled by a bear.”
Cut to Sheila painting her toenails reciting, “This little piggy went to market,” until she got to her missing toe.
Sheila: “This little piggy had to take one for the team.”
Warped, depraved, sadistic — and fantastic. Let’s have more of that in 2023!
Hey. It’s only my opinion.
SOD
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