Lauren Graham’s Book Details ‘Shock’ of Peter Split, ‘Gilmore Girls’ Secrets

Talking fast and not holding anything back! Lauren Graham revealed how she overcame the “shock” from her split with Peter Krause — and teased which Gilmore Girls character could be Rory Gilmore’s baby daddy — in her new book.

“When my relationship of almost twelve years ended last year, I went into a sort of shock I’d never experienced before,” Graham, 55, wrote in her latest book, Have I Told You This Already? Stories I Don’t Want to Forget to Remember, which hit bookshelves on Tuesday, November 15. “I’d be doing normal things like driving to the store, or putting in a load of laundry, but also have the sensation of watching myself doing these things from a distance.”

The Gilmore Girls alum first met Krause, 57, in 1995 while appearing on an episode of Caroline in the City. While working alongside one another on Parenthood, which began in 2010, they started dating. Us Weekly confirmed in June that the twosome quietly called it quits one year prior.

“I felt the energy of having been shot out of a cannon, but somehow the cannonball — me — was also moving in slow motion,” Graham recalled of the split. “It was as if I’d spent a long time watching a movie with ominous background music, not noticing, until it finally swelled to a level I couldn’t ignore. And none of these metaphors were quite accurate.”

While promoting the book, the It’s Kind of a Funny Story actress revealed that she and the 9-1-1 star didn’t see eye to eye on a few key items — many of which popped up during the coronavirus pandemic in early 2021.

“I didn’t maybe ask some fundamental questions about ‘What are your values and what do you envision?’ and those more grown-up things,” she confessed to People earlier this month. “And then they just caught up with us.”

The Mighty Ducks: Game Changers star noted that she focused on her writing amid the breakup. “I just was not going to let [the breakup] flatten me,” she told the outlet. “I was like, ‘OK, well, look at all the good stuff I have, and look at all the good times,’ and ‘I’m going to write this book.’ Thank goodness I have these outlets and these stories to tell.”

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In addition to moving past her heartbreak, Graham dove into the complexities of playing mom Lorelai Gilmore on Gilmore Girls for seven years while barely knowing her own mother as a child.

“I’ve never once thought of ‘being a mom’ as simply a character trait, there are moms of all kinds, and the fact of being a mom is one part of the given circumstances that I’d consider in order to play any character, but not the only one,” she wrote, explaining she often didn’t know how to talk about her own mom while promoting the WB series. “And is anyone asking George Clooney if he actually went to medical school to play a doctor on ER? Has any actor in any work of Shakespeare murdered someone/ruled a monarchy/died as the result of a poisonous love pact?”

The Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life star recalled knowing that her estranged mother, who died when she was 61, “spoke fluent Japanese” and “had a beautiful singing voice.” The relatives, however, never “discussed what happened or why” she left Graham to be raised by her father at a young age.

“Another thing I never got to ask my mom was if she thought the choices she’d made had been worth it, if she got whatever it was she’d been looking for when she took the path that — especially for the time — was unconventional and brave. I’m not sure she did,” the Talking as Fast as I Can author explained. “But her courage allowed room for mine. Because as painful as the downside was, her determination carved the way for me years later to take flight and go after something that — even for the time — was unconventional and required bravery. And she gave me this story to tell.”

Graham’s stories in Have I Told You This Already? range from lighthearted memories about moving to Los Angeles in the ‘90s to the struggle of giving up her dog in 2021 amid the pup’s health issues. The Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs actress even teased what she thought her TV daughter Rory (Alexis Bledel) would name her child after she revealed during the Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life cliffhanger that she is pregnant.

Scroll down to learn some of Graham’s biggest insecurities, feelings about heartache, Gilmore Girls secrets and more Have I Told You This Already? book revelations:

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Her Split From Peter Krause Sent Her Into a ‘Shock’

“I was on the run in a way, determined to always be moving and doing, not giving myself the time to sit and absorb what had happened,” the One True Thing actress wrote about her breakup from Krause, which she described as a “shock” to her system. “It was the middle of the summer, and I rented a house by the beach. Friends and family came to visit, and it was as fun as I imagine a recovery from any injury might be. There was solace in spending time with people I’d missed, but an ache over the circumstances that created that space.”

Graham remembered coming back to Los Angeles in the fall and not being able to “remember many of the details” from the summer amid her split fog.

“I rented a house, I’d say, and then I’d trail off. One night, I met a friend for dinner. It seemed like we spent a normal amount of time eating and catching up, but when we stood up to leave, I realized we’d been there for five hours,” she said of the hazing time period.

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Rice Krispy Treats and Connie Britton

Graham recalled living with the Friday Night Lights alum once she moved to Los Angeles in the summer of 1996. “We met in the windowless yet magical Chekhov/Ibsen acting class that wasn’t going to get me cast on 90210, and while she’d eventually become a lifelong friend, we didn’t know each other that well yet,” she wrote. “We were among the hordes who came from New York every pilot season. Who knew what would happen? We might get cast in something, we might run out of money and go back to New York and start auditioning while waitressing again like we’d seen happen to so many of our friends.”

The Because I Said So star remembered buying her first cell phone with Britton, explaining that they “giggled every time we called each other because — besides our agents — we were pretty much the only people we knew in LA.”

Graham continued: “Connie and I were staying for free in the house of a friend of hers who was getting a divorce. The friend who’d offered us the house knew we were staying there, but her recently divorced husband did not, so sometimes we’d get a panicked call that the ex was in the neighborhood and we’d have to rush to turn out all the lights and run and hide in the back of the house. We found this hilarious.”

She fondly recalled there being just two beds “and I think one chair and a table we’d sort of move from room to room when needed” in the house.

“The only thing I remember making in it is Rice Krispies Treats, which we’d eat with our hands, too ambitious and dedicated to our craft I suppose to waste even a moment wondering why we had no plates. That was what we considered … breakfast, I guess?” the Hawaii native wrote. “There was a Subway sandwich shop at the bottom of the street, and we’d walk down there most days and split a tuna sub for lunch and then eat chips and salsa and margaritas at the nearby restaurant Mexicali for dinner, and I was somehow the thinnest I’d ever been.”

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No More WonderBras Here

“After just a few weeks in Los Angeles, I spoke fluent WonderBra, and had purchased my first pair of the rubbery boob blobs no one has ever called anything besides chicken cutlets. These acquisitions didn’t seem strange to me at the time, they seemed mandatory, or at least highly recommended,” Graham said of the acting culture in the early ‘90s. “Every audition room I entered was filled with actresses with bigger boobs than mine. I remember thinking I’d better catch up. It felt like everyone knew what sort of boobs they were supposed to have, and weirdly, they also had them.”

She explained: “Today, we speak of body positivity, and there is at least an attempt at representing a wider variety of shapes and sizes on-screen, but the boob fashion of the 1990s in Los Angeles seemed to offer actresses only two choices: get them surgically augmented or buy a bra that made it look like you had.”

The Nightwatch star recalled speaking with Parenthood costar Mae Whitman about bras decades later, only to learn that the modern actress wasn’t worried about her breast size on camera.

“I realized my ’90s boobs belonged back in time with my daily devotion to the Iced Blendeds from The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, driving with the top down, and the occasional American Spirit Ultra Light — other things I’d grown out of or left behind long ago,” the In Conclusion, Don’t Worry About It author wrote. “I made coffee at home now, never left the house with an SPF under 45, and hadn’t had a single drag of anything in twenty years. I went home that day, cleared the bulkier bras out of their drawers, and when I found some well-worn cutlets in the very back, rather than thinking of replacing them, I threw the pair away.”

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Who Is Rory’s Baby Daddy?

Graham pointed out whether she knew any secrets about the identity of who fathered Rory’s baby after the 2016 Gilmore Girls: A Day in the Life cliffhanger. “No, I didn’t get my blue coat back, but the nice people at Warner Bros. bought me a new one, which is red, and no, I won’t tell you if I’m team Jess or team Logan,” she wrote. “And no, Johnni Macke Amy [Sherman-Palladino] hasn’t told me any of this, but if I had to guess I think Logan is the father even though it could also be fun if it’s the Wookiee, but no matter who the father is I think the baby is a girl whose name is another permutation of Lorelai, I’m going to go with Lola.”

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The Mom Factor

“Over the years I was on Gilmore Girls, I can’t count how many times I was asked how I knew how to play a mom given that my parents divorced early, and my mom lived overseas for much of my life, and I was mostly raised by my dad. I always struggled to answer this question because there is a real answer, but it might hurt someone’s feelings, like those of her mother, my grandmother, who was still very much in my life until she passed away this year at age 101,” she confessed. “There is a fake answer that I sometimes gave where I framed having been left by my mother at age four as a positive thing, something that contributed to my being more self-sufficient, an absence that wasn’t a loss but was a gift that had made me a stronger person. Because any answer that tried to really answer the question — even the fake one — felt way too vulnerable and for practical journalistic purposes was simply way too long.”

The Bad Santa actress explained: “I taught myself another version containing shorter answers that were on a sliding scale of truthful. ‘I think not growing up with my mom means I didn’t have any preconceived notions of what a mom is supposed to be!’ I’d chirp. What a reductive spin on a very complex subject! But I was trying to fit myself onto two pages. The truth was that it was painful to talk about her.”

Graham noted that her time on the WB series might have been something her mom saw, but she wasn’t sure what her estranged mother watched of her roles. “It’s possible that during those years she saw me more frequently on TV than in real life, a sort of Honda/Pacer paradox of our own,” she added. “I was glad she could finally see and appreciate my work, but I’d rather have had the time together in real life.”

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Her Ryan Gosling Run-In

Graham recalled meeting the Notebook actor early in her carrer and Gosling giving her the “Hey, we don’t know each other but I’m an actor and you’re an actor” nod. “This made me like him instantly because he clearly knows about the bylaw that states that it is the job of the more prominent actor who is a stranger to give the less-prominent actor stranger the respect nod,” she explained. “I gave him a respect nod back, and the whole brief exchange made me feel that he was a friendly and nice guy. He also goes to one of my favorite sushi restaurants, which you can find on the corner of Main Street and— Hey! I’m not telling, quit trying to get it out of me, let the man enjoy his albacore belly in peace.”

The Someday, Someday, Maybe author and Gosling almost crossed paths again while she was promoting Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life and he was doing publicity for La La Land. The twosome were “tentatively booked on one of the talk shows that happens in the nighttime” as both projects were premiering in November 2016.

When Gosling, however, said he “cannot confirm” his appearance on the talk show, Graham learned that despite being available herself, she no longer had a set appearance. The Canada native was the top-billed guest at the time, so if he canceled, Graham would also be cut from the show.

“In the end, Ryan Gosling did not end up doing the show that airs late at night even though it’s filmed at around 4 in the afternoon, and neither did I,” the Seeing Other People actress revealed. “Eventually, the waiting on both ends became too much, and Cheryl [my publicist] was concerned I’d lose the booking altogether, so I withdrew and did other shows instead and have since been back to all the shows of the evening times and no hard feelings toward anyone.”

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The Many Phases of Motherhood

“No, I’ve never been a mom, but I have loved a child who lived in my house for a long time,” Graham wrote of Krause’s now 21-year-old son, Roman, whom he shares with ex Christine King. “Who I hope will be a part of the rest of my life.”

While reflecting on the iconic role of mother Lorelai Gilmore, the actress explained: “And I have loved and felt maternal toward younger friends and my two sisters and my brother, and I love my two nieces and two nephews and the godchild I have known since he was a week old and I love having Thanksgiving at my house with my family and others I think of as family and I have known great love and devotion and I have given advice but also shut up when I thought I was butting in (with my real butt).”

The Caroline in the City alum continued: “And I have worried that any number of people liked what I made for dinner, got home OK, got the job they wanted, were happy in their relationships even if I wasn’t totally sure the relationship was best for them, and I have given advice and time and money to these people I love, expecting nothing back, wanting nothing but for them to be happy and healthy and leading a fulfilling life and being a good and kind person. And none of these feelings or actions make me a mom but they are some of what moms feel and do and some moms don’t feel or do some of those things but they are still moms.”

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‘Gilmore Girls’ Set Memories

The Evan Almighty actress referenced Brad Pitt in a few pages of her book, revealing that she once crossed paths with his Ocean’s Eleven costar Matt Damon while working for the same studio.

“Speaking of Brad, during some season of filming Gilmore Girls on the Warner Bros. lot, one of the Ocean’s movies was also shooting,” she recalled. “Every day, the cast would play basketball at lunch, and one day I accidentally on purpose walked by them with my extremely beautiful German shepherd (R.I.P., Hannah) and Matt Damon said hi to her.”

Graham joked: “Passing their cars lined up outside the stage where they were filming was the closest I will ever come to attending an exotic car show.” She also dished on the Ocean’s cast, writing, “The rumor was that the cast never worked longer than eight hours. I give you these details as part of your actor education so that you don’t feel bad that it is likely none of this fancy actor lifestyle will ever be true for you or for me.”

When it came to her own projects, the TV star admitted that a “typical filming day for regular people is 10 to 12 hours and I have frequently worked twelve to fourteen hours and a few times on Gilmore Girls I worked 18 to 21 hours.”

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Age Is Just a Number

“I am lucky to have friends of all ages: the cast of Mighty Ducks are mostly teenagers; my godson and his crew are in their early twenties; my sisters and brother aren’t yet 40; Jen Smith and the writer friends I’ve made are mostly in their 40s; my peers and I are in our 50s; my dad, my dear friend and Gilmore mom Kelly Bishop, and my friend and literary agent Esther Newberg are in their 60s and beyond,” Graham wrote of embracing aging. “My cast always tells me they feel older than they are, feel older than how people treat them. My friends in their 20s feel like they are racing against some sort of clock of success, my friends in their 30s are full of their careers and figuring out relationships, and most of the older people I know are surprised to find they aren’t in their 30s anymore. My grandmother used to say the only way she knew she wasn’t 18 anymore was when she looked in the mirror, and that makes more sense to me now.”

The Sweet November actress revealed: “I feel I’m at an age now, like I was at 32, where I’m not doing too much looking forward, and not getting too stuck on looking back, but feeling that no matter their age or mine, I’m happy that I have these friends, and these precious days to spend with them.”

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How Mochi Brought Her Mom Issues to Light

While working on Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist in Canada in 2020, Graham decided to adopt a puppy, who she later named Mochi. After the dog was moved from Canada back to her home in Los Angeles, the Vampirina alum landed the role of Alex Morrow on The Mighty Ducks: Game Changers which also filmed in Canada.

It was during that shooting schedule — in 2021 — that Graham realized that Mochi wasn’t feeling well after undergoing hip surgery the pup was sent to a rehabilitation house. While Mochi did eventually thrive, when she came back home to Graham it was clear that the dog was better off at the farm, which caused a feeling of abandonment to creep up in the actress.

“I started crying in a way that so surprised me that I had to pull over,” Graham wrote, noting that her friend told her it was “OK” to give Mochi up and that it didn’t mean she was “Donna” a.k.a. her mother.

“Donna, my mother, died when she was 61 and I was not yet 40. Donna, my mother, mostly did not raise me. She was around until I was about 4 years old and then, after a few absences, each a little longer than the one before, she and my dad split up and for most of my school years she lived in London,” the A Merry Friggin’ Christmas star recalled. “I’d go to stay with her for a week or two maybe once or twice a year, and occasionally she would stop in when she was in America, but during these short visits I can’t say I ever really got to know her very well.”

Graham noted that “puppies are not babies” but explained that there “were parallels” between the two, which is what made giving up Mochi that much more emotional as a child of divorce.

“Even though I loved Mochi, I felt ill-equipped to handle what she needed — maybe my mother had also felt that way. I’d told myself I was rescuing this puppy, ignoring the voice that was telling me maybe I was getting a dog for other reasons,” she wrote, referring to her and Krause’s romance. “Including that things were not altogether well in my relationship and I suspected I might be on my own again soon, in need of some companionship — tap-tap-tap — a human problem no animal could fix. And maybe part of my mom getting pregnant at 23 was her hoping a baby would fill an emptiness that was more about her career and identity than it was about having a family; something a baby could not fix either.”

She continued: “Mochi had found in me someone who had the ability to handle what she’d needed in her first year. And maybe that was my role in her life — not to be there forever, but to get her to the next place, one more right for her. And maybe my mom knew she wasn’t ready, wasn’t yet as fully formed as she’d become years later when she had my half-sister, and I’d be better off with my dad.”

Ultimately, Graham decided to leave Mochi with the rehab owner. “She sends me photos of Mochi carrying sticks and digging holes in the snow at her farm,” the Pacifier star revealed. “Mochi ended up in a happy home, and so did I.”