Thursday, 26 January 2023
BILLINGSGATE POST: In an unprecedented raid this morning, 36 armed-to-the-teeth FBI agents with Special Warfare Night Vision Goggles, snuck up on the sleeping hairpiece of Donald Trump. Backed up by a dozen or so armored vehicles, two spanking new M1A3 Abrams X tanks and a battery of Patriot Missiles at ready, Trump’s hairpiece was left without an exit strategy.
Ironically, this hairpiece was a gift from Vladimir Putin. Consisting of one 600 foot strand of reddish-blond hair, the loosely woven wig looked more like a distressed raccoon than anything else: The beady eyes peering from beneath the hair were meant to capture every event and sound emanating from Trump’s presidency, including, of course, TOP SECRET information and documents that were to be transmitted directly to the Kremlin.
In other words, Vladimir would be privy to everything Trump did or said, from the President’s bowel movements to his conversations with World leaders.
This is why the Deep State – the FBI, the CIA, and the Justice Department – couldn’t keep their hands out of Trump’s hair. Once they had captured the wig, they thought the dominoes would fall, finally cornering the seemingly beleaguered Trumpster.
Trump, however, was way ahead of these wacko conspirators. Smelling a rat – he didn’t trust Vladimir anymore than he trusted the FBI – he had surreptitiously exchanged this wig with an actual albino raccoon – one made in America, a raccoon who he could trust explicitly.
Upon grabbing the slumbering raccoon – they should have known better than to wake a sleeping hairpiece – they discovered their mistake. With missing fingers, the FBI agents found it difficult to type up their mission report.
Dr. Slim: “To relax your mind, slowly repeat after me…Wigwam – Teepee. Wigwam – Teepee.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude: I can’t. I think I’m two tents.”
