PALM BEACH, Florida – (Spoof News) – The News Blues News Agency has just broken the story that the most hated bastard in America (aka The Orange Shithead) came very close to being kidnapped.
An eyewitness said that a purple van, that had The Beautiful Bread Co. painted on the side pulled up next to Trump the Chump, as he was playing golf on the 18th hole of a local golf course.
Four burly men wearing ski masks got out and tried to force him into the bread truck, but after a few minutes of trying to pick up his humongous ass (369½ pounds), they simply said, “Fuck this shit!!!” and they got back in the van and left at a high rate of speed, estimated to be about 113 MPH.
SIDENOTE: Trump was so traumatized that he threw up the three Big Macs that he had just eaten after the 16th hole. He then drove himself to a 24-clinic, where he was checked out for any STD’s, and he was given an enema, just to be on the safe side.
