Hustle culture teaches us to seize as much as we can and hold on to it tightly. We go through life plotting how to pull ourselves up the ladder, reaching for the next goal or big score, continually worrying that our carefully crafted plans will fall through and we’ll lose everything.
The fear of ending up with nothing (rightfully) freaks us out. We toss and turn at 3 a.m. on a heap of twisted sheets, battling a delightful combination of rumination, intrusive thoughts, and (my personal favorite) catastrophic thinking.
Early in my career, I spent a lot of time fretting about how much money was or wasn’t coming in. I was constantly stressed and regularly performed financial gymnastics in my bank accounts.
This struggle fueled my quest to not only make more money, but to be at peace with it. I envied anyone who managed to be calm when they spent money, and I aspired to embody that magical disposition.
Accepting Defeat
Once, while working as an art director for a publishing house, I told my coworker that I’d just lost a $500 deposit on a trip I could no longer take. Without missing a beat and with an edge to his voice, he remarked, “Well, that’s $500 you’ll never see again.”
Oof. That stung. And while it felt true at the time—I’d definitely lost the money and was upset about it—I also couldn’t quite buy into the idea that, once spent, money is gone forever and can’t be found again.
I didn’t envision it showing up in an obvious, literal way–like a check in my mailbox for exactly $500. But I still felt that somehow I’d reunite with it again, in an unexpected way. However, at the time, I pushed my unicorn-level optimism to the side, accepted defeat, and soldiered on.
I continued working hard and saving small amounts consistently. But I also dove into personal development and read every money management book I could get my hands on. And then one day, I finally realized something profoundly obvious: Money comes and goes.
Making the Mindset Shift
We’ve all heard this common adage, I know. But have you really heard this? And do you believe it?
I was on the phone with my friend Tory, talking about the rough patch her business was going through, when she offhandedly said those exact words to me: “Money comes and goes.”
For some reason, the words finally landed. It all hit me like a truck—yes, money does come and go! There’s an ebb and flow simply because of its transactional nature. So why was I trying to micromanage it?
I silently declared that the next time I had to dish out a chunk of change, I would have faith that it would be replenished, by hard work or otherwise. Of course, my declaration and new mindset has often been put to the test.
The Power of Acceptance
Last summer, I went to visit my friend Christa, who lives a couple hours outside of Toronto. Our first stop was a local honey store that only accepted cash. We’d both forgotten this detail, so we detoured to the only ATM in town.
We chatted animatedly as we made our transactions, with me extra distracted by the high-tech nature of the ATM. Finally, we left in a flurry, beelining (pun absolutely intended) back to the honey store. After stocking up on goodies, I went up to the counter to pay. But as soon as I opened my wallet, a hot, burning feeling washed over me. There was no sign of the $200 I’d just withdrawn.
It only took a millisecond to realize what had happened: I’d left the cash at the ATM. Cue internal beratement and a carefully orchestrated “I’m not going to have a meltdown in public and further embarrass myself” moment.
We rushed back to the bank. But—no shocker here—the money was gone. I was officially out $200. That hot feeling washed over me again, but this time, I quickly course corrected: In that moment, I took a deep breath and consciously decided to stay calm. I was not going to let this little disaster ruin my day, let alone my entire trip.
I was pleasantly surprised at myself, noticing how I was choosing peace instead of spinning out. Who was this Yoda of a person?
When we got back to Christa’s house, I called my bank to see if there was a way to rectify the situation. They created a case and said I’d be reimbursed if the claim was approved.
Choosing Flow over Fear
So, did I get the money back? I actually don’t know. I never checked. It’s not that I didn’t care or didn’t value the money. I did. And I do. At one point in my life, $200 was the difference between making rent and not.
But believing the money was gone forever and I would always be $200 poorer is, well, limiting. That does not feel good or abundant. And knowing what it’s like to struggle with money, I’m definitely aiming for abundance.
If you’re shocked by my laissez-faire attitude, trust me, I’m even more so. In my twenties, I developed some awful “money avoider” habits. But after realizing my behavior was making my financial situation much, much worse, I spent decades consciously learning new, positive habits.
I now spend consciously and routinely review my bank account and credit card statements. So why, in this instance, did I ignore the numbers?
I wasn’t avoiding the problem: I was choosing flow. I chose to believe more money was coming my way, no matter how much unexpectedly disappeared from my bank account that day.
Whether it’s factually true or not, I find it much more energizing to believe that money circulates in a loop of abundance and I can be part of that flow. I can let money go when desired and/or needed, and stay open to it finding its way back to me.
This new, healthier relationship with money is amplified when I remember to do three things:
- Pause and take deep breaths before reacting;
- Acknowledge and accept my emotions;
- Choose thoughts that are supportive and expansive (even when I don’t want to).
Try this simple formula the next time you’re stressed about finances.
Yes, you can break the patterns that don’t serve you.
The results might surprise you: more peace, more calm, and an account balance that supports more sweet hauls.
Joel Brown (Founder of Addicted2Success.com)
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