WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The CIA has learned from an undercover spy that four of the world’s top terrorist organizations have resurfaced and they vow to cause more mayhem than a hyperactive squirrel in a Nutella factory.
The groups had gone under the radar when the world was distracted by the royal baby’s first steps and the worldwide pumpkin spice latte craze.
One Al-Qaeda leader named Shaker Ali Poupon, stated that their new recruitment campaign was a huge success and they now have over 5,000 new members, including 200 trained attack hamsters.
The Taliban reports that General Abduli Fumon Bu recently received a donation of 252,000 bottles of expired ketchup from a Russian prince, which went to buy antique slingshots and coconuts for the troops.
A CIA spokesperson who asked to be called Pumpkin Spice Latte, divulged that Isis now has a chapter in Intercourse, Pennsylvania, and Hezbollah has even been able to infiltrate the Canadian Mounties group since the Hezzy members are all avid ice hockey fans. ■
