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Tag: Jaime Jo Wright

  • Is There a ‘Right’ Age for Your Child to Start Dating?

    Is There a ‘Right’ Age for Your Child to Start Dating?

    The question was dreaded, and my daughter waited patiently for her answer. She was ten years old. I may have had a heart attack. After a moment to calm myself, I first inquired why she was asking and was immediately relieved that she wasn’t of the mindset to start dating but that her friend in 4th grade had just announced she had a boyfriend. In addition to that, she reminded me that her cousin had been told she had to be sixteen before she could date.

    My response was to ask her the same questions. “How old do you think you should be before you start dating?”

    She opted for the typical sixteen, probably because that seems to be a norm in many families we’re around. Fast forward, and she’s well on her way to being fifteen, so hypothetically, we’re only about a year and a half away from the magical dating age of sixteen. We had a similar conversation the other day; only I initiated it.

    “So, are you going to start dating when you’re sixteen?”

    She stared at me in shock that I asked and then replied, “Why waste my time?”

    After I got done doing my secret happy dance in the kitchen and throwing broken spaghetti noodles as makeshift confetti, I realized that was an interesting response for a teenage girl to give. I called her back in and asked her why she’d reacted that way.

    “Well, it’s not like I’m going to get married when I’m sixteen. Not to mention, the whole dating thing seems to wreck friendships, and I’d rather not do that when there’s no end game to dating. I’ll wait until I’m older. Like maybe eighteen. When I can start thinking about the long-term.”

    It was all so practical and nonchalant; not the atypical teenager. So I’ll take it. But that brings me to my point. If you asked me today how old my daughter needs to be before I’m comfortable with her dating, I’d say she can make up her own mind at this point going forward. But that’s also because she’s shown a remarkable and, I believe, God-given amount of maturity when weighing the pros and cons of dating as a teenager. Her motivations for dating aren’t status, competition, emotional highs, or hormonal impulses. Right now, anyway, her motivations for dating are to find someone who shares her values, heart, and faith and has an end game in mind.

    So what is it about the magical age of sixteen? I think we’ve landed on applying an age to dating because it sets expectations and, in a way, gives us, as parents, an out for the younger years. Sixteen is the age at which kids begin to drive, often start being employed more consistently, and begin testing the waters more seriously for adulthood. I could make the argument that, based on those pressures alone, adding a relationship and dating is the perfect reason why sixteen is simply too young to date. But I won’t.

    Instead, the argument I’d like to make—or rather the challenge I’d like to put out there for parents—is to avoid the magic age of anything for dating. There’s a lot that goes into teenage relationships. Must I list the pressures? Physical affection, peer pressure, boy/girl dating drama in high school, the added elements of social media, photos, texting, and rumor-mongering, etc. That’s a lot to process as your brain is still developing into adulthood. And truly, what is the end game of a teenage dating relationship? I’ve known two sets of high-school sweethearts in my lifetime that got married. That’s not a strong statistic for a long-term probability of faithfulness.

    That being said, a parent may argue that teenage dating is for learning how to interact with the opposite gender in a relationship construct. They may say teenage dating isn’t meant to be for courtship or marriage, but instead, it’s just for fun, socialization, and the learning experience. And you could be right. I’m not here to argue for or against teenage dating but rather to help us determine the right age to start dating.

    So, as parents, let’s ask ourselves these questions instead:

    Does my child have a track record of integrity and self-control?

    Does my child have enough self-worth to say “no” when it’s needed and to stand up for themselves in the event of abuse, bullying, and so on?

    Does my child respect themself enough to be content as their own individual, or do they example a more needy personality that relies on another person for their contentedness, happiness, and self-worth?

    Does my child have the wherewithal to deny their own emotional impulses?

    Does my child have the ability to set healthy boundaries?

    Does my child have a clear idea of what they want and need in a boyfriend/girlfriend?

    And the list of questions goes on. I realize some of us are reading that list and thinking, “I’m not sure I even fulfill the proper answer to those questions!”

    Therein lies my point. Dating at any age is an ongoing learning process on how to balance relationships, healthy boundaries, faith, emotional and mental health, and spiritual consistency. So as your teenager is developing in these areas on their own, if they begin dating, they’ve now introduced another person into the equation of influencing their development. This can be very positive. It can be very negative. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer.

    And that’s really what it comes down to. I propose that there isn’t one right age for your child to begin dating. It might cause some family strife, but you may have one child who could start responsibly dating by the time they’re fifteen and the other not until they’re seventeen. Of course, once they’re eighteen, you’re pretty much out of luck enforcing anything, and some of us aren’t sure our twenty-some-year-olds should be dating yet.

    The key is helping prepare your children for dating. Taking that list of questions and being conscientious in helping them learn those qualities, establish those beliefs and philosophies, and build their own sets of boundaries.

    As someone who was in youth ministry for over twenty years, I saw far too many teenage dating relationships begin on the endorphin rush of “he/she is cute” and the adrenaline of being able to announce to peers that “I’m dating so and so.” Those relationships typically crash and burn fast, resulting in “cheating” (not even sexually, but when a boy texts another girl, cheating has occurred), and then the gossip and chatter begin among the peers, which only exacerbates the situation. I’ve also seen some healthy teenage dating relationships that didn’t end in marriage but maybe lasted eight months to a year. But those relationships had healthy boundaries the teenagers set for themselves and their parents set for them. Those teenagers also typically had healthy relationships with their parents and a foundational base of their own faith and self-esteem that they weren’t relying on their dating partner to create their value.

    So as a parent, be careful of choosing an “age” when dating is “okay.” Your teenager may not be ready yet, and when you get there, you might regret ever setting that criteria. On the flip side, your teenager may be mature and ready to explore relationships in a healthy way that isn’t detrimental to their development. It might seem a tad overbearing at that point to hold the age of 18 over them as the age they can choose to date and there’s no dating allowed as a teenager prior.

    Take your time to know your child. Take the time to instill values in them and truly ask yourself the questions that will help you identify if your child has reached the level of maturity to handle a relationship responsibly.

    Will there be break-ups? Most likely. Broken hearts? Probably. Mistakes made? Inevitably. But the foundation of your child plays a big part in how severe those -lys become. So be cautious of identifying one right age, and instead, identify your child’s character and maturity, and go from there.

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    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Rawpixel

    Jaime Jo Wright is an ECPA and Publisher’s Weekly bestselling author. Her novel “The House on Foster Hill” won the prestigious Christy Award and she continues to publish Gothic thrillers for the inspirational market. Jaime Jo resides in the woods of Wisconsin, lives in dreamland, exists in reality, and invites you to join her adventures at jaimewrightbooks.com and at her podcast madlitmusings.com where she discusses the deeper issues of story and faith with fellow authors.

    Jaime Jo Wright

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  • 3 Ways Grandparents Can Leave a Legacy of Faith

    3 Ways Grandparents Can Leave a Legacy of Faith


    There are a few moments that stand out as optimal grandparent time in our memories. You know, the ones many of us share if we were blessed enough to be able to spend time with our grandparents.

    The Christmas program, when, as a child, you looked out into the audience and saw their proud smiles. Or, the birthday when they bring you the present you were aching for and had been told by the not-so-cool parents that you wouldn’t be receiving it. Or, there may be that one special memory that you revisit from time to time, and a reminiscent smile rests on your face.

    But what is the difference between memory versus legacy.

    Webster’s dictionary defines “memory” as: the power or process of reproducing or recalling what has been learned and retained especially through associative mechanisms. Essentially, it’s a repetitive replay of the past, either good or bad, special or traumatic.

    “Legacy” on the other hand, comes with a very different emphasis. Webster’s describes legacy as: something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past. A carrying over of something tangible, perhaps tradition, a belief, a way of life.

    In this article, we will focus on how grandparents can truly leave a legacy of faith that can shape their families for years to come.

    How My Own Grandparents Impacted My Faith

    I was blessed to build many memories with my grandparents. I was blessed to have grandparents in my life, and my children have also received a similar blessing.

    While, my memories of my grandma are those of watching the Lawrence Welk show on her slippery couch (some material that was actually shiny!), and of being put to bed only to sneak out after my older brother was asleep to curl up into her cozy side and watch Dallas and Dynasty (perfect childhood bedtime shows), I have taken some time recently to sit back and reflect on what legacy she left behind.

    How was it different from my other grandmother’s? And how my grandfathers’ legacies affected me as well?

    I knew my Gramma Wright for my first eight years of life. Memories are sketchy, but legacy? I have been startled at how much legacy was instilled in me in those short eight years.

    The one I recall the most, is the legacy of joy. She was an insatiably joyful person. I’m not sure if that was just my perspective, but then, does it matter? It was what she passed along to me.

    She showed me joy by taking a deep satisfaction in allowing me to spend time with her. Whether it was watching a forbidden nighttime soap that went completely over my head, or helping her make her ridiculously salty homemade macaroni and cheese, or telling me stories of sleigh rides in the snow at Christmas as a child.

    Gramma Wright found joy in every circumstance. I’m sure her faith played a part in that. She’d lost my Grandpa Wright before I was born, but she didn’t exude a spirit of loneliness or grief. I’m sure she felt it, but her mission seemed to be to instill in me a legacy of joy.

    No matter the circumstance. When she passed away, the last time I visited her in the hospital, I recall her shouting down the hallway from her bed as I walked away with my parents to go home. “I love you! I love you!” she cried in a wobbly, weak voice.

    Looking back, I get teary eyed. It’s a memory to go along with her legacy. Her legacy of time spent with loved ones, and finding essential joy within the spirits of her family. As you study your relationship with your grandchildren, consider the qualities and characteristics you want to etch into their foundations as pivotal.

    These will stay with them long into their adult years as cornerstones to who they are as a person and as someone impacting the world around them.

    My other gramma, Gramma Lola, instilled in me a legacy of history. She breathed and oozed family history and every antique she owned was connected to someone in our lineage who had a story.

    Gramma Lola was not a story writer, nor was she a story teller, but yet she believed strongly in the power of story. In the power of remembering loved ones, learning from loved ones long since past, and incorporating their legacies in our daily lives.

    I knew from a young age that her father had struggled with prejudice as a German immigrant who spoke little English. I learned too, that he fought through it, took pride in his heritage, and made sure his children and grandchildren held their heads up.

    My Gramma Lola was not ashamed of her strong German roots, even when the World War came and Germans weren’t particularly preferred. Do your grandchildren know where they came from?

    Scripture talks of the influence of ancestry and generational traditions and faith. If your grandchildren aren’t aware of the framework that has formed your family, their attachment and devotion to what has been important in your family tree, will be lost.

    Educate them on the constructs of their ancestors, and share with them the faith, the perseverance, and the fortitude with which your family tree has been cultivated.

    I can go on. But now that I have my own children, I look to my parents and my in-laws and how they too are instilling legacy. Most importantly, how they are instilling a legacy of faith.

    It’s more than apparent that grandparents have a huge impact on the lives of their grandchildren. And, while I’ve sought out these legacies, defined them, and nested them deep in my heart, how does a grandparent effectively communicate legacy to their grandchildren? Especially a legacy of faith?

    In reviewing my own experiences, and now watching my children’s, I’ve found some clarity. Here are 3 ways grandparents can leave a legacy of faith.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

    1. Make Faith an Active, Included Part of Life

    My grandparents were strong in their faith, and because of such, that legacy was passed on to both sets of my parents. But it wasn’t the going to church part that instilled it.

    Honestly, it wasn’t even the practice of Christianity’s traditions. It was how they lived their faith.

    When there is a struggle with one of my children at school, my mom will pick them up and more often than not, by the time I’m able to snatch them after work, my Dad has spent time in prayer with them over the situation, or my mom has commiserated with my daughter and then helped her to self-reflect on what Jesus would have her do.

    A legacy of faith is the inclusion of bedtime prayers with grandparents, and when my Dad plays “church” with them, allowing the kids to “preach the Word”, and lead worship songs with their ukuleles and recorders.

    I’m sure it’s the most unprofessionally produced worship service, but the kids come home chattering about how they had “church” with Poppy–on a weekday.

    Faith becomes just a normal part of life. It’s not marked by significant traditions, so much as stamped into life by daily events.

    2. Make Faith a Part of Every Day Conversation

    I think grandparents often rely on the fact that actions speak louder than words. In the end, the old adage is true.

    However, with children–especially little ones–it’s important to verbalize your faith.

    Do I recall my grandparents living a good life? One of ethics and morality? Absolutely! But I also know–because they made it clear by talking about it–that these decisions were not made simply out of innate human goodness.

    It was driven by their faith in their Savior and was dependent on not just their awareness of Him, but also their reliance on His Word. Our children need to learn–especially in these days–that goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, and so forth, are not inspired by our personal aptitude.

    Different versions of human kindness and respect abound and what to some is common sense, to others, it contradicts the essence of what they’ve experienced. A measuring tool, a point of reference, a place of truth, needs to be established for these little lives who will one day take up the mantle of faith and walk forward.

    So speak your origins of faith into them. Verbalize the Scripture you hold dear. Express to them why you do what you do as inspired by your relationship with the Lord. Don’t rely merely on your actions to communicate the roots and the foundations of why those actions abound.

    Words become the memories we draw upon long after loved ones have left our lives, and the verbalization of your faith will become a whisper on their heart for eternity. 

    3. Make Faith the Priority

    I know my Grandpa Wright found hunting and fishing to be his number one thing. It was his hobby, his passion, and by having such, he instilled a deep appreciation for nature into my dad and his brothers, which in turn, has been passed down to us.

    Interestingly, what is missing here, is his faith. I asked my dad once if Grandpa Wright had been a follower of Christ. My dad replied that he believed he was. That he had been baptized and had made a profession of faith at a Billy Sunday revival meeting.

    But the thing is, the prioritizing of that faith was not my grandpa’s priority. Did that make him a bad legacy builder? Not at all. In looking back on his life, I believe he was a follower of Christ–again, his actions speak as well, but his voice was very quiet.

    My own dad has made a pivotal effort in his relationship with his grandchildren, to make it known that he is passionately following Jesus. It is his priority.

    There will be no question, after my dad passes, as to whether he was or wasn’t a Believer. It will just be known. It was his priority, after all, and he made sure we all knew that. Very, very well.

    The prioritization of your faith will become a spiritual tattoo of sorts on the souls of your grandchildren. While it can–and at times will–be ignored, it is still always there and it is non-erasable.

    It is in the dark times, perhaps even the blessed times, your grandchildren will capture glimpses of these Spiritual priorities, inked in a Spiritual pen, that will draw them, compel them, and remind them that faith is an indelible mark of consistency they should not ignore. 

    In the end, leaving a legacy for our grandchildren is important. Leaving the legacy of faith is critical. Faith is being challenged, threatened even, and going forward, freedoms may even be limited.

    We cannot take for granted that faith will just come to our grandchildren, or they will somehow assume the faith because we have it. We must teach it. With words, actions, prioritization, and depth.

    As Deuteronomy states so clearly, we must saturate the lives of the next generation with the Lord. 

    Deuteronomy 6.5-7: You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

    Diligently. Passionately. Constantly.

    And your legacy will bear fruit for generations to come.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Sam Edwards

    Jaime Jo Wright is an ECPA and Publisher’s Weekly bestselling author. Her novel “The House on Foster Hill” won the prestigious Christy Award and she continues to publish Gothic thrillers for the inspirational market. Jaime Jo resides in the woods of Wisconsin, lives in dreamland, exists in reality, and invites you to join her adventures at jaimewrightbooks.com and at her podcast madlitmusings.com where she discusses the deeper issues of story and faith with fellow authors.





    Jaime Jo Wright

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  • 4 Ways to Have Less Conflict When Co-Parenting with Grandparents

    4 Ways to Have Less Conflict When Co-Parenting with Grandparents

    When my daughter was first born, we were faced with the dilemma of one parent resigning their career position, hiring day care, or looking into an alternative.

    The first option wasn’t really an option. Let’s face it, regardless of whether you wish to have a stay-at-home parent or not, the economy doesn’t always support that. With that income a necessity, we investigated daycare… which pretty much equaled 2/3 of one of our income. So that also became a non-viable option.

    Enter the grandparents. I’ve heard in other cultures, raising children is a family affair. For real.

    A full on, all hands-on deck, let’s do this! I wasn’t certain how well it would work. My mom was offering— “free”—to watch my daughter four days a week. That meant, for at least thirty-two hours a week, my mom would be raising my daughter.

    It’s a little harder to fire Nanny if things don’t work out, so we decided if co-parenting was going to be our future, some ground rules needed to be established.

    Here are four that we found were critical and saved family tensions and turmoil:

    1. Set a Schedule

    It may seem over-zealous, but I wrote a daily schedule for my mom to follow. Not so much a what to play and when to play, but a schedule that made sure I could relax at work knowing the important things would be followed.

    When my daughter was a baby, we had a feeding schedule and a nap schedule. When my daughter grew into a toddler, there was still her nap schedule, some educational time, and a weekly meet-mom-for-lunch appointment. It was easy to adapt to, my own mom knew exactly what my expectations were, and there was little conflict when I returned home to a well-balanced child (and clean laundry-bonus!)

    2. Set Disciplinary Guidelines

    Everyone disciplines differently. Spare the rod, spoil the child, is one philosophy. Allow the child freedom of choice and expression is the opposite.

    But usually, parent’s land somewhere in the middle and if it’s not outlined, Grandma (or Grandpa) can go way out of bounds of your comfort zone. With my daughter, we advised my mom what we were comfortable with her enforcing.

    Our personal jobs made it possible that if my strong-willed daughter got remarkably stubborn and willful, Nanny could pick up the phone and announce that she was calling in reinforcements. Namely, a parent. That alone was typically enough to ensure compliance, and as my daughter grew, she also learned it ensured a consequence when Mommy or Daddy got home too.

    The nice part was, I didn’t have to confront my own mother for being too harsh or too soft. For being too stringent on rules or spoiling my daughter and making her entitled. My mom knew the rules. We set them and agreed on them prior to it becoming an issue.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund

    3. Identify the Authority

    This one can be tricky, but it is critical to co-parenting with grandparents. The ultimate authority over the child must be determined before the co-parenting begins.

    This means, identifying both verbally and even in writing, that the grandparents are influencers, caretakers, and nurturers, but the parents make the final decisions in the upbringing of the child.

    Can the grandparents provide input and opinion? That also should be determined prior and weighed based on your relationship. My parents were invited to share their input and opinion, but we, in return, expected they would then leave the situation to be handled by us and would not challenge our decision should it contradict their input.

    Without this understanding, it becomes an all-out free-for-all and in return, the child is left with developmental whiplash as each caregiver has variances to their boundaries, their way of child-rearing, and even their spiritual walk.

    4. Outline Any Specifics

    My parents have far more conservative views on television and music than do I. So, at times, it has been a sticky-point, especially as my kids are older and their viewing ranges from Power Rangers to My Little Ponies. Notice how you reacted to those titles.

    Some of you probably thought “what’s wrong with them?” and others perhaps inhaled a breath of “oh heaven, turn off that TV!” Because we had established very clearly the authority, as seen in point number 3, this then became easier.

    While my parents voiced concern over a few TV shows my kids are free to watch, we’ve acknowledged it, but also indicated we don’t agree. Because we, the parents, are the authority, my parents then support that decision. I’m sure it’s caused them some personal angst, but our relationship has been intact sans arguing and the kids aren’t sandwiched between a power struggle.

    So, in the areas you can foresee being an issue, outline the specifics of what is and what is not allowed. In the area of their other grandma, my kids could pretty much sit down with a bag of sugar and spoon and she would be happy to oblige because she loves them. This is not okay with me.

    So, we struck an agreement. Two sweets and no more unless special permission is obtained. Clear boundaries. Clear conscience. Clear relationships.

    The Influence of Grandparents is Invaluable

    It’s proven that having grandparents involved in the upbringing of children is of great worth.

    Studies show that grandparents who are closely involved with their grandchildren help against depression, mental digression, and even physical strengthening in the grandparent. On the flip side of this, children with loving and nurturing grandparental influences have stronger emotional stability, tend to be more grounded, and enjoy the comfort of warmth and security.

    A grandparent’s influence is notably different than that of the child’s parent and the relationships reflect this. My kids are so attached to their grandparents that my son sleeps with one of his Nanny’s shirts and a stuffed animal Gramma gave him. My daughter video messages Nanny every day they’re not together and confides in Nanny all the things that are sometimes scary to confide in me.

    I’m okay with that. Especially because we’ve outlined our relationship and our boundaries. Now, my parents and my husband’s parents can freely invest in our children, and the wealth of my children’s lives because of it has been epic.

    Even if I frequently get a call for an extra sweet treat at Gramma’s (and I frequently cave), and even if my kids have introduced my parents to several shows they would have never watched before and now thoroughly enjoy.

    Family enriches lives. It impacts a child’s upbringing, builds a foundation of security and strength.

    If you’re so blessed, it also teaches them a spiritual perspective from all angles that infuses into the child’s life and makes following the Lord not just a personal decision, but a way of life. As parents, it is important—and I would argue, even critical—that we don’t discount the influence of our parents on our children.

    Family tensions and conflicts, even dysfunction, are real and problematic elements to this wonderful equation. However, if boundaries and expectations can be set clearly and agreed upon mutually, it can help assuage some of the road bumps along the way.

    There is nothing so beautiful as comforting a child at bedtime when they cry for Nanny who they just saw a few hours before and simply miss in their sweet innocence. And, there’s nothing so awesome as to hear your daughter exclaim she wants to be a mechanic like Grampa when she grows up, or have your son learn chess from Poppy when he’s five years old. Grandparents can teach our children so much that we cannot.

    Prayerfully consider including them in the raising of your children.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Tom-Merton

    Jaime Jo Wright is an ECPA and Publisher’s Weekly bestselling author. Her novel “The House on Foster Hill” won the prestigious Christy Award and she continues to publish Gothic thrillers for the inspirational market. Jaime Jo resides in the woods of Wisconsin, lives in dreamland, exists in reality, and invites you to join her adventures at jaimewrightbooks.com and at her podcast madlitmusings.com where she discusses the deeper issues of story and faith with fellow authors.

    LISTEN: Let Our Bible Study Expert Help You Start the New Year Right!

    Have you ever chosen a word for the year? Whether you pick a word each year or never have before, I think this episode will help you order your life in the year to come. If you don’t know what your word is, today might be a great day for you to hear some of the things that we are promised in Christ that you in faith can claim for yourself for 2024. Keep in mind, each of these words requires faith.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 5 Verses on Strength for When You Feel Weak

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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    Read the full article, 10 Things Grandchildren Need to Hear.

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  • 4 Ways to Change the Course of Poor Communication in Your Marriage

    4 Ways to Change the Course of Poor Communication in Your Marriage

    Lastly, one thing often assumed in poor communication is personal intent. This means when your spouse makes a statement or observation, we assume attack and assertion because we are geared to be uptight and stressed during our conversations. We take words personally where they are not intended to be.

    Instead, we must retrain our minds to assume that our spouse is innocent of personal intent. That what they’re saying is not meant to be a deeply hurtful criticism, an abandonment of their love for us, a signal that they believe we are failures or an unspoken but fully intended finger-pointing accusation. Try a different angle and listen to their words—probably spoken emotionally due to poor communication in your history—and assume that they’re saying the words out of frustration or hurt, but not with the intent to skewer you emotionally.

    Granted, sometimes, the hard truth is we say hurtful things with the intent of hurting the other person. So, assuming innocence isn’t foolproof. But it’s a better and safer way toward good communication to presume innocence until guilt is uncovered.

    Remember, poor communication in marriage can range in degrees of intensity. This article is not at all intended to be a fix-all for marriages struggling deeply with abuse, or PTSD from past relationships or childhood, etc. Many serious and severe facets can influence poor communication. So, it will be important to identify if any of these are directly affecting your personal set of circumstances.

    But if you have a relatively healthy marriage, healthy home, and stable upbringing, communication can still be poor simply because we’re not good at it! This is when much of what you’ve read here can be more effective.

    In the end, you need to be honest with yourself and your spouse as to the degree of severity your communication is suffering. Then, take the proper and appropriate steps to work toward healing that.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PixelsEffect

    Jaime Jo Wright

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  • 4 Helpful Tips for Your First Year of Marriage

    4 Helpful Tips for Your First Year of Marriage

    You’ve gotten married—or you’re about to—and you’re embarking on that first year of marriage. You will experience so many adjustments, and whether you’re ready for them or not, they will come. Some say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. It’s the year you quickly discover all the hidden habits you didn’t know your significant other had. Oh, you thought you knew, but you really didn’t. Some of them can be annoying pet peeves, and others can be significant, but they’re there, nonetheless.

    In addition to the unknowns coming into view, you also must become accustomed to sharing all over again. It’s like back in the day when you lived with a sibling, only this person claims equal rights to your belongings, and there’s no mom or dad in the corner to ring the bell for a time-out during the fight.

    Then there are the unique nuances of not being your own entity. In other words, running to the grocery store on a whim for ice cream now comes with the factor that you should probably let your spouse know where you are going; they’ll probably ask why, and suddenly, your independent and relaxing outing to the store is added to with additional items or perhaps a sidekick who decides to come along and crash the party.

    The fact is you are no longer single. You are not a solitary person moving on your own, living on your own, creating on your own, and being on your own. This can be a great thing! It can also challenge you in ways you weren’t expecting.

    So, what tips for the first year of marriage can help you adjust and embrace the definition of being one-half of a whole?

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/South_agency

    Jaime Jo Wright

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  • 5 Things That Hurt Relationships with Grandkids

    5 Things That Hurt Relationships with Grandkids

    My children have been blessed to have consistent, weekly, sometimes daily interaction with their grandparents. But unfortunately, this isn’t always a gift for some families. Even within our own, we’ve experienced conflict and tensions that can—if left unresolved—hurt the relationship between grandparent and child.

    There’s no question that a healthy relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is a wonderful thing. Often, what can be overlooked, is that the bridge between them is the parent. Ripples can begin to affect the peace when that isn’t taken into account, and sometimes, all-out fights may ensue.

    Let me give an example.

    A few years ago, one of my children let a word fly that – in our house – is as generic as exclaiming “darn!” It’s not of four-letter word severity, nor was it swearing or taking the Lord’s name in vain. However, my parents weren’t particularly fond of this very popular and prevalent word. When my child used it, they were reprimanded and schooled on the impropriety of the word. My child came home in tears. My parents were unaware of the effect the incident had on my child. My husband was upset that my parents attempted to “parent” our child about something we have not made a disciplinary issue. The tension became inevitable. By cutting out my husband and myself from the disciplinary lecture for my children, my parents infringed guilt on my children for doing something wrong; they also started to worry that both my husband and I were “naughty” (Since we frequently use the word). While it did get resolved through explanation, compromise, and a willingness on both parties to listen, it could have easily become a wedge.

    My parents had to resolve themselves that their daughter and her husband had a different set of standards. My children had to learn that different sets of standards exist and that it doesn’t make the grandparents or parents on either side wrong, but rather, just different. They also learned to respect the boundaries in each home and recognized that this particular situation wasn’t a sin issue, and they weren’t disrespecting God when they used the word.

    A three-cord strand binds a family together in these situations: Grandparents, parents, and children. If not recognized, respected, and maneuvered carefully, situations (even minor ones) can create rifts and hurt the relationship we cherish between grandparent and grandchild. So, what are some obvious distinctive things to avoid when trying to protect that relationship and not hurt it for the long haul?

    1. Be conscientious of parental authority. 

    As grandparents, it can be extremely difficult when you disagree with how your children are raising your grandchildren. Whether it’s minor or something more major, it can create anxiety and even frustration within you. But challenging parental authority will typically only succeed in alienation. Instead, tread respectfully. Your influence in your grandchildren’s lives is far more important than making your point or even correcting your own children. There will more than likely be moments you can have honest, non-volatile conversations with your children. In the meantime, be aware of the guidelines they have set, honor them as much as possible, and spend the time you have investing in your grandchildren’s lives.

    2. They’re not yours. 

    As hard as it is sometimes, remember your grandchildren are not yours. This means you really have no “rights” to them, as much as it feels that you do. Demanding time with them, insisting that things be arranged to fit your lifestyle, or lecturing your children on how to raise your grandchildren will not inspire a healthy relationship.

    Boundaries within this relationship dynamic are important. Recognizing your place as supplemental and not parental will be key to having a healthy relationship and regular visits with your grandchildren.

    3. Saying “yes.”

    Grandparents are known for spoiling their grandkids. As a parent, I both love and despise this. Despise, because it makes me less popular than Grandma. Hee, hee. But truthfully, saying “yes” to the grandkids too often can result in hurting the relationship you have with them. Remember, your grandkids don’t need to be bought with things, but rather, your time, your investment of you, and your love. Too many yeses can breed entitlement, and your role as a grandparent will potentially be redefined as the fairy godmother who grants wishes rather than a loving role model.

    Being aware of the balance is important. Granted, as a grandparent, you can probably afford to say “yes” more often than a parent. Still, your grandchildren still need to understand and enjoy the security that comes with guidelines, boundaries, and a well-placed “no.”

    4. Distancing yourself.

     Sometimes geography cannot be helped. Miles between you may be a necessary evil that you must live with. However, if you are within easy distance of your grandchildren, you’ll want to be aware that distancing yourself from them can be as damaging as expecting to see them whenever and wherever you wish.

    What does “distancing” mean? It means not showing interest, including, or inviting your grandchildren into your world. It’s important that your own social life or hobbies don’t overtake your time to the extent you sacrifice time with the grandkids. Have your kids called and asked you to watch the grandchildren? What’s your response? Granted, life has obligations, but have you made your grandchildren a necessary part of your life and time?

    Remember, if you don’t foster a relationship with them while they’re little, as they age, they will likely age out of being interested in time with you.

    5. Be a safe place.

    Grandparents should be a safe haven for their grandchild. Obvious morals and virtues aside, there are other areas where safety can become a wedge that may hurt the relationship. Consider the bedtime stories you’re telling, the shows/cartoons you allow them to watch, the music you expose them to, etc. It’s not uncommon that grandparents may have a different grade by which they measure what is and isn’t appropriate. Do you also respect those of your grandchildren’s parents?

    Also, a difficult topic may be aging and your ability to offer a safe environment for your grandchild. Are your driving skills where they need to be for safety? Are you physically capable of caring for the grandchild? While it may be agony to be honest and realize your faculties are diminishing, it may hurt the relationship with your grandchild when you insist that you’re capable of various things and your children push back—on behalf of their children—with question/doubt that you are. Be honest with yourself and them. Recognize your limitations, if there are any, in order to preserve the relationship you can have with your grandchild.

    There is no perfect equation to grandparenting—the same as I’ve discovered there’s none to parenting either. So much of it seems like common sense, and yet our personalities, convictions, restrictions, and commitments can get in the way of quality relationships.

    Your grandchildren will cherish time with you. Your children will cherish your investment in their children. But it does require communication, cooperation, respect, and healthy boundaries. Even in situations with extremely difficult or delicate tensions, first and foremost, your relationship with your grandchild/children needs to be safeguarded. This may mean biting your tongue, hitting your knees in fervent prayer, or compromising.

    Remember, you are planting in your grandchildren seeds of legacy. That legacy will live with them long after you have passed on.

    Photo credit: ©Pexels/Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas

    Jaime Jo Wright is the winner of the Carol, Daphne du Maurier, and INSPY Awards. She’s also the Publishers Weekly and ECPA bestselling author of three novellas. The Christy Award-Winning author of “The House on Foster Hill”, Jaime Jo Wright resides in the hills of Wisconsin writing suspenseful mysteries stained with history’s secrets. Jaime lives in dreamland, exists in reality, and invites you to join her adventures at jaimewrightbooks.com!

    Jaime Jo Wright

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  • 10 Simple (but Powerful) Prayers to Pray for Your Marriage

    10 Simple (but Powerful) Prayers to Pray for Your Marriage

    Do you forget to pray for your marriage? For your spouse? Sometimes we are so caught up in the prayers for our children and family, for church family and friends, for missions and ministries, and even for world conditions, that we take the construct of our closest covenant for granted. 

    Knowing what to pray can sometimes be a challenge. If communication is good between you and your spouse, you likely have a good idea of what areas they are struggling in, need encouragement in, and so forth. But there’s more to marital prayers than just praying for our spouse. It’s also praying for the marriage itself. 

    The very essence of marriage at its core is being attacked regularly from various directions. We don’t need to spell out the statistics, but it shouldn’t be surprising that over half of marriages end in divorce. Whether finances, infidelity, differences, or what-have-you play a part, moving apart from each other is a condition no marriage is secure from. 

    Consider the various areas your marriage can take a hit, and keep in mind that just because it may not have been attacked in that region recently doesn’t mean one isn’t coming. Marriage is meant to be a picture—a reflection—of our relationship with the Lord. So it is logical to conclude that its sanctity will not go unscathed by challenges, temptations, and warfare.

    This being said, it’s wise to spend time in prayer for your marriage. Protection over the vows that were spoken. A securing of fortress around the home you have created together. 

    Here are ten simple but powerful prayers that you can use to bring your marriage before the Lord in offense for battles to come and in defense for battles currently being fought.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/pcess609

    Jaime Jo Wright

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