There’s an old adage that says if you’re going to do some crime, then at least try to be smart about it. That way, even if you get caught you have a chance to come off as some sort of Ocean’s Eleven heist genius, as opposed to this guy who tried to get through Chinese customs with 239 Intel Core processors obviously strapped to his person. Chinese site Kuai Technology (opens in new tab) (via SweClockers (opens in new tab)) has shared this Darwinian tale of one man’s attempt to bring this cache of CPUs into the country.
Close your eyes with me and envision for a moment that you are a customs worker at the Gongbei Port Passenger Inspection Hall. Your day has probably been pretty uneventful so far but at about 20:10pm you spot a man walking towards the gates.
His large black clothing is comically oversized, and bulges in clearly not human ways at the waist and thighs. You can see clear cornered shapes under the clothes and the person inside of them seems excessively awkward.
The man makes for the “no declaration channel” of entry. You nudge your co-worker and say something along the lines of “Are you seeing this?” in an incredulous tone. They are indeed seeing this and nod as such. You play rock paper scissors to decide who has to go talk to the man. You lose, and your night just got a whole lot more interesting.
During the inspection, customs officers found a total of 239 fully packaged CPUs strapped to the smuggler’s body. They were held to his waist, abdomen, and thighs with tape creating that wonderful silhouette that betrayed his efforts. The photos shared almost look more like someone strapped up with plastic explosives, so in reality we are thankful they were just CPUs instead.
The pics also reveal that at least a chunk of the CPUs are among Intel’s latest offerings with the Core i5-13400F (opens in new tab). These may be on the budget end when it comes to gaming CPUs, but they’re easily one of the best on offer. It packs 10 cores at a very friendly price under $200 (opens in new tab). If the bulk of the haul is around this price point, that’s nearly $50k worth of product, assuming the cache didn’t contain more expensive chips.
There’s no word on the punishment yet, but I’d wager this guy regrets his choice in airport attire. If you’re in need of a new chip, we recommend checking out our list of best CPUs for gaming (opens in new tab) before you decide. This is a good reminder that you should always get your computer parts from a reputable source, rather than risk getting someone’s ex mining rig or something smuggled poorly under some strangers clothes.
