My fellow soldiers of the Console Wars,
For too long we have allowed the PlayStation Menace to lay claim to all the good games, while we entertain ourselves with Gucci Xboxes and furry controllers. We must now take the fight to where it matters most. We must not allow the Station Nation to be the sole owners of what is perhaps the largest pop culture phenomenon in recent memory: The Last of Us. They called it “The Swan Song of the PS3” and “Oscar Bait: The Game”. We didn’t think much at the time. We were content with replaying Halo for the 134th time, and engaging in parade marches for High General Bill Gates. We did not understand the awesome power that this PlayStation superweapon was capable of. With the release of The Last of Us, the PlayStation Powers have become Death, Destroyer of Worlds. Our world.
What I am about to tell you is classified: previously for Bill’s Eyes Only.
The Last of Us is not available on Xbox. Our scientists have not been able to reengineer it, and as of now the launch codes remain in the sticky, Dorito dusted hands of PlayStation. Yet all hope is not lost. Our scientists were able to develop a PC Port version of The Last of Us: Part One. That means that PlayStation’s days of console superiority are numbered. Soon we will have developed a fully functioning prototype of The Last of Us: Part 2. Make no mistake, we shall continue this fight. We shall fight them on our couches. We shall fight them on long car rides to our grandparents’ house. We shall fight them at 3AM when we should be in bed, because it’s a school night.
And someday, we will prevail.
(featured image: Naughty Dog)
Have a tip we should know? [email protected]
Jack Doyle
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