There’s an ugly side that comes with unmasking murderers and unsolved mysteries.

But no one knows that better than YouTuber Bailey Sarian, who has made a living off of blending beauty and true crime together with her Murder, Mystery & Makeup series. And while she loves what she does—don’t get it twisted—she recently shared how covering these grisly topics can weigh heavy on her noggin.

“It’s easy to get stuck in the dark hole and spiral,” she told E! News in an exclusive interview. “For me, it’s a week of researching the story, the killer, this horrible incident and writing it. And then, I rinse and repeat.”

She added, “There are days where I’m like, ‘Nothing is safe, nothing is good.’ But it’s reminding myself that it can’t control my life.”

While Bailey said finding a balance between unplugging and creating content has been hard, it’s simple pleasures like taking walks, journaling, watching something funny or hanging out with friends that have helped her turn it off.

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