DeSantis Clarifies ‘War on Woke’ – James Israel, Humor Times

Florida Governor DeSantis says his so-called “War on Woke” is actually a war is on the word “woke,” not an ideology.

In a press conference today, Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida aimed to clear up misconceptions about his “War on Woke.”

“Everyone thinks it’s some liberal ideology I’m fighting,” he said. “That couldn’t be further from the truth. My war is on the word itself. ‘Woke,’ such an ugly, mean word!”

“That W! Just look at it, it’s an upside down M, for ‘mean,’ get it?! Followed by that O, which is just a tunnel down into the dark. Once you enter that tunnel, the door is slammed shut on you and you’re trapped in Wokeville. The door? It’s the K, of course! It’s got a handle, it’s got that flat part, c’mon, it’s a door!

“Then we come to the most evil letter of all, the E. E for ‘evil,’ right? It’s so obvious, why doesn’t anybody else get it?

“So, all of this is why I keep saying the word over and over again. My war is on the word ‘woke’ itself! I say we send it to a deserted island and nuke it!”

After the press conference, another door slammed on the governor. It was to a padded room in the Tallahassee Mental Health Center.

The Humor Times founder/publisher/editor/writer may wear a lot of hats, but he likes it that way. Still, his favorite job is writing fake news articles. He is also a musician and songwriter, who plays guitar, mandolin and harmonica, with several CDs to his credit.

Latest posts by James Israel (see all)