Welcome to the latest installment of ‘news stories guaranteed to ruin my inbox and Steam recommendations.’ Today we’re here to marvel at the inexplicably industrious porn game racket on Steam, which recently awarded Death Stranding the great honor of its own extremely NSFW parody. It’s called Sex Standing, because of course it is. And yeah, you don’t want to Google that either.
I’m not going to link to this NSFW game for obvious reasons; if you want to see it for yourself, well, you’ve been warned. Just know what you’re getting yourself into, which is several screenshots and GIFs of crude and nude 3D models colliding like they’ve just been thrown in a tumble dryer.
Nevertheless, I wanted to highlight this game for a few reasons. Firstly, I was inflicted with the knowledge of its existence while perusing Steam’s new and trending tab this morning and I needed to share the burden with humanity. Secondly, it just came out. Death Stranding was released in November 2019, folks. We’ve long since moved onto chatter about Death Stranding 2. Surely the market for a gag like this has already passed.
Perhaps most importantly, the reviews and descriptions for these things are almost always good for a laugh. Developer and publisher Octo Games bills Sex Standing as an open-world game where you reestablish connections between mankind by “nurturing close relationships,” which is probably the cleanest way to describe the ultimate purpose of the game’s missions. That being said, screenshots show that there’s open-world gunplay, an upgrade and equipment system, and some sort of collectible currency, so I guess it technically functions as a game, or at least an imitation of one.
All that being said, I really just wanted to highlight the review from Steam user YozeS. Here’s a small excerpt for your enjoyment: “You have to truly ponder what decisions you have made along the way that brought you to the place of your final reckoning.”
There’s an entire industry of NSFW video game box art on eBay, and you’ll regret learning any more than that.