It’s a tough weekend for Saturday Night Live when the biggest headline coming out of the episode is a fake musical performance. Drake and 21 Savage continued their upending of the typical album rollout —following their fake Vogue cover, fake NPR Tiny Desk appearance, and fake Howard Stern interview—with a performance off their new Her Loss album on a lookalike set of Studio 8H. Those boys had an artsy black-and-white photograph of themselves on the screen before fake host Michael B. Jordan introduced them as musical guests for the evening.

They had that giant bouquet of roses and lilies in the background! They had all of Twitter talking about Drake and 21 Savage debuting their new single “On Bullshit” on SNL, leaving actual musical guest for the evening—Steve Lacy—in the dust. This is next level performance art, highest end attention grabbing, and far cleverer than anything the writers of the actual episode were able to come up with last night.

Amy Schumer was fed a modest meal—toothless as a sexy bot in a wan Twitter sketch, tired in a bit about soup—but delivered well in her monologue, introducing herself as “the final host before the midterm abortions.” On married sex, she joked about how her husband tries to turn the light back on at night, mistaking her preference for the dark with insecurity. “Oh my god, you’re so cute. You think I don’t want you to see me.” Regarding her husband’s late-in-life diagnosed autism, a subject she treats with such relaxed affection in her work, she made fun of folks’ understanding of the brain condition, which in shorthand boils down to “Oh, does he love to count?” questions. Nobody paid much attention throughout the night to the terrible Kanye in the room, but Schumer did manage a quick hit. “Nazi ties, Kanye” is the new “gesundheit.” And she would later end the evening in a t-shirt bearing the message Love Jews.

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Schumer’s best sketch was a spoof on The Watcher, in which an anonymous foe detailed for the family her various shames. Eating like a “greedy, panicked raccoon” alone at night, pleasuring herself to the first five minutes of every Property Brothers episode, sweaty with constipation in the powder room.

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The final sketch of a long night shot an amusing arrow at the culture of white women with S-shaped curls whose favorite fall accessory is the “big, dumb hat.” The hat that screams oat milk in your Starbucks order, best paired with a tiny cursive tattoo and a fake allergy to gluten. “It comes in colors like ‘tan’ and ‘that’s it.’” Only white women between the ages of 20 and 45 are allowed to wear this hat. Men talking about their feelings are not allowed to wear this hat. They can wear beanies if they need an autumnal look.

Feeling tired and worn down? (Yes, by the cold opens. If you’re referencing Azealia Banks or Tekashi69 in a political sketch, pull the rip cord.) If work is a grind, and your family is a drag, talk to your doctors about a prescription for Covid. “You’re guaranteed a five and sometimes even ten-day vacation from all of life’s problems.” If you’re triple vaxxed, and got an added buffer of HPV, you too may be a good candidate for Covid. Moms may want to give themselves the full 14 days of isolation just to be safe. Holiday parties are right around the corner. Time to stock up on those Covid Always Positive home tests. Vanks Vovid!

Karen Valby

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