Connect with us

Hi, what are you looking for?

Humor

Airlines Hiring Anyone Who Looks Good In Crisp Uniform To Offset Pilot Shortage


Image for article titled Airlines Hiring Anyone Who Looks Good In Crisp Uniform To Offset Pilot Shortage

FORT WORTH, TX—In an effort to address widespread staffing shortfalls related to the ongoing economic downturn, several major airlines announced plans Thursday to just hire anyone who looks good in a crisp pilot uniform. “If you look great in a freshly starched shirt and big captain’s hat, we will hire you on the spot, no questions asked,” said American Airlines CEO Robert Isom, stressing that the current job market had forced the carrier to drop previous requirements such as a commercial pilot’s license and basic knowledge of aviation in favor of any person with the well-cut jawline, winning smile, and sparkling eyes that would make passengers feel as if they were in the hands of a trained professional. “As long as you can throw on a pair of aviators and give a confident thumbs-up to disembarking customers, we’ll send you straight to the nearest cockpit. Really, that’s all it takes. And, hey, if you can throw your jacket over one shoulder while maneuvering a rolling suitcase down a jet bridge, that’s all the better. No résumé required. Just send us a headshot.” At press time, Isom added that the application pool would unfortunately be restricted to the white, male applicants who would be able to convincingly play the part.



Source link

Advertisement. Scroll to continue reading.

You May Also Like

Humor

DALLAS—In the wake of the Supreme Court’s 6-3 decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, local anti-abortion advocate Mary Firkins, 54, excitedly announced Friday that...

Humor

NEW YORK—Asserting there was no need to worry about the highly unlikely outcome, the nation’s centrists reportedly doubled down Friday on their claim that...

Humor

THE HEAVENS—In an effort to delegate more of His divine work, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, has brought into existence a second god...

Humor

SAVANNAH, GA—Remarking upon his ability to proclaim the Gospel of the Lord without his pulse even rising, congregants at the local Church of the...

Humor

NEW YORK—In a press conference addressing the ongoing situation in the Caribbean country, an expert council at the U.N. announced Tuesday that Haiti’s ongoing...

Advertisement