FORT WORTH, TX—In an effort to address widespread staffing shortfalls related to the ongoing economic downturn, several major airlines announced plans Thursday to just hire anyone who looks good in a crisp pilot uniform. “If you look great in a freshly starched shirt and big captain’s hat, we will hire you on the spot, no questions asked,” said American Airlines CEO Robert Isom, stressing that the current job market had forced the carrier to drop previous requirements such as a commercial pilot’s license and basic knowledge of aviation in favor of any person with the well-cut jawline, winning smile, and sparkling eyes that would make passengers feel as if they were in the hands of a trained professional. “As long as you can throw on a pair of aviators and give a confident thumbs-up to disembarking customers, we’ll send you straight to the nearest cockpit. Really, that’s all it takes. And, hey, if you can throw your jacket over one shoulder while maneuvering a rolling suitcase down a jet bridge, that’s all the better. No résumé required. Just send us a headshot.” At press time, Isom added that the application pool would unfortunately be restricted to the white, male applicants who would be able to convincingly play the part.