Turning Boys Into Men? The Performance of Gender for South Korean Conscripts, Part 8
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes. Photo (cropped) by Jim Flores on Unsplash.
Am I just projecting when I say Koreans too? Or that it’s mostly Korean women, and especially young women, that suffer from this “involuntary consent”?
In a moment, I’ll share a passage about that from a recently published, thought-provoking book that you should totally buy, because it brought home to me just how gendered that national—East Asian?—stereotype was.
But first I ask, because I genuinely worry about confirmation bias as I age. About how I’ve much neglected—and maligned—Korean men’s perspectives for the last 16 years of writing here. And, how both influence what topics I choose to highlight for your interest.
So, I feel compelled to acknowledge that, yes, of course—it’s true that women the world over get asked by bosses, relatives, and/or professors for unseen, undervalued, and usually unpaid labor, which social pressure prevents them from refusing.
It’s by no means the exclusive purview of Korean men.
But it’s also true that in Korea, that pressure is compounded by deeply hierarchical social relationships, gapjil, long working hours combined with an expectation of unpaid overtime, and women’s relative lack of economic and political power. Which is why that inclusion of labor demanded by professors above probably seems out of place to Western readers, right?
Photo by Valentin Fernandez on Unsplash.
Indeed, I totally shoehorned it in. For while I do want to acknowledge the problem isn’t unique to this part of the world, it’s a fact that Korean academia is notorious for the all the verbal abuse, sexual harassment, and demands for personal errands professors inflict on their grad students. I want to convey my curious mix of relief and rage too, over learning that it’s not just me that notices it’s mostly female students that have to run those errands.
Which brings me to why the following passage from Involuntary Consent: The Illusion of Choice in Japan’s Adult Video Industry (2023) by Akiko Takeyama, a professor of women, gender & sexuality studies at the University of Kansas, resonated so loudly:
In Japanese society, where people are conventionally inclined to avoid conflict and prioritize social relationships over their own self-interest, the attitude that can lead to unforced but involuntary consent is ubiquitous. Japanese American anthropologist Dorinne Kondo has captured how Japanese people, especially women—herself included, as she became enmeshed in Japanese society as a “daughter” of her host family over the course of a two-year homestay in the 1980s—avoid saying no in their day-to-day lives. Similarly to the young Japanese women who become involved in AV, Kondo was not overtly coerced but nevertheless pressured to involuntarily agree to do things for others such as teaching English, fulfilling her duty as a filial “daughter,” and taking on the role of a ‘proper’ Japanese citizen. Her frustration grew as she felt herself becoming “trapped by social convention.” Kondo then realized that there was a profoundly different way of thinking about the self in Japan: individuality was valued only insofar as social relationships were not compromised. Under such circumstances, she “had no choice but to comply.” Kondo’s ethnographic moment vividly recaptures why [former AV actress Kozai Saki] could not say no or walk away when she faced her won dilemma. Her resistance would have deeply upset relational others at the filming site. Each time she convinced herself that everything would be fine if she would only yield to their demands.
(page 51; italics in originals)
More specifically, it resonated because it immediately reminded me of all the welcoming of prospective students that female students are expected to do in the freezing cold at my university, as discussed in Part 2 of this series. Next in the cascade of thoughts, that the biggest problem for vegetarians and vegans in Korea is not so much finding ingredients or suitable restaurants, but all the pressure bosses, coworkers, and family members will inflict on them to eat meat for the sake of avoiding causing awkwardness and inconvenience for everyone. And finally, the parallels with how to determine consent in the K-pop industry.
And, if you’re still reading, I’m guessing it resonated with you too, right? If so, please do take a moment to let me know in what ways, either in the comments or on social media. But I’ll be glad to have just gotten you thinking. And thanks for reading!
p.s. (My bad that the titular quote actually comes from a must-read interview of the author!).
The Turning Boys Into Men? Girl-groups and the Performance of Gender for South Korean Conscripts Series:
If you reside in South Korea, you can donate via wire transfer: Turnbull James Edward (Kookmin Bank/국민은행, 563401-01-214324)
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The Grand Narrative
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