Then there’s the intentional, non-basketball-play variety, which garners much of the attention. Think of Dennis Rodman punting a photographer, Bruce Bowen spearing Steve Nash, Reggie Evans near-castrating Chris Kaman variety.
In 2016, the league sought to quell a spate of sac savagery, or what it defined as “unnatural acts.” “Legs are coming out in different directions at weird times. They’re coming higher. Well, for the protection of the players, we’re going to stop it,” NBA Senior VP of Replay and Referee Operations Joe Borgia said at the time.
While those rules mitigated the damage incurred in subsequent seasons, a black-and-blue wave has crashed ashore in 2022-23. Any way you slice it, slap it, knee it or tap it, the number of players doubled over this season has been impossible to ignore.
While these incidents are wince worthy for the viewers at home, Dr. Luke Machen, a certified urologist who specializes in male fertility—“kind of like a penis and scrotal expert”—doesn’t think we need to be too concerned about the long-term implications. “Most of the time, it’s a fist, a knee, a basketball—it would take a lot,” Machen said. “It would take just, some sort of brutal trauma for that to be something that down the road would have negative consequences for these guys.”
Machen also doesn’t believe that a protective cup is a necessary preventative measure to consider leaguewide. “It’s probably effective but I don’t know that it would make sense in basketball to make it mandatory,” Machen said. “If you were a catcher in baseball and you took a 100 mile an hour fastball to your genitals, like, that’s a different story.”
But if history serves, there is more cobbler carnage awaiting these athletes.
The Phoenix Suns advanced to the Western Conference semifinals. In addition to his role as a charming insurance salesman, Chris Paul is quite talented at racking opponents. The 18-year pro has been noticeably quiet on the western front since he judo-kicked Jose Alvarado directly in the junior mints in the first round of the 2022 NBA playoffs. His collection includes Ben McClemore, Julius Hodge, and his own teammate Kevin Durant. That legacy has reached medical circles. “He’s usually good for something each year,” Machen said of Paul, who the New York Daily News once referred to in a headline as a “serial crotch-puncher.”
Then there’s Draymond Green, who infamously played a rather large role in the outcome of the 2016 NBA Finals after he was suspended for flagrant foul accumulation. Those fouls included snagging Steven Adams in the scrotum and later dapping up Lebron James’s doodads. His body control isn’t much better now: Green was responsible for all three of the flagrant 2s reported in the 2022 NBA Playoffs and just last week was suspended for stomping on Domantas Sabonis’s midsection.
The New York Knicks and Miami Heat series also seems destined for dust-ups given its historical context, which was expertly outlined in Chris Herring’s book, “Blood in the Garden.”
There was a time when a groin could feel safe on a basketball court. No longer. As players topple to the court in succession, fans await the next victim. They shouldn’t have to wait much longer.
Josh Planos
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