God was left shaking his head today after everyone in the world woke up and decided they are gay.
Robert The Construction Worker was first up and instead of ordering his usual BEST (bacon, egg, sausage, tomato) breakfast sandwich told the roadside cafe greaser he had decided that “from now on, it’s just sausage.”
Betty Turner, a retired cake maker, caught a glimpse of her sagging breasts in the mirror after a quick shower and decided on the spot to divorce her husband of 55 years and dedicate the rest of her life to “slapping tits.”
Married couple Dave and Julie woke up and announced their gayness to one another in the shower. Both have decided to give up their careers, to enable them more time to “choke chickens” and “slurp on twats”.
Professor Janie Jenks has decided to move to Lesbian Avenue.
She said, “I had a mirror between my spread legs whilst I shaved my hooch and decided that I want to finger at least three Fanny’s a day.”
Bank Mager James Jones, who leads a team of six (men) said he is concerned business will suffer because instead of working his staff will be “too busy bumming each other in the toilets” but had to cut his interview short so he could wank off the plumber.
Scientists have calculated that now everyone is gay; the world will end in “about a hundred years” once all the newborn gay children of the world are dead.
