Do 1 Small Thing in Every Conversation to Be Instantly Likable Says Communications Expert

How can you make yourself instantly more likable to your customers, employees, or new acquaintances? Or even just the people you interact with every day? Here’s a simple and powerful tip from author and communications expert Lorraine K. Lee: Make them feel seen by remembering something about them.

For example, recently I climbed the Space Needle for a charity event and posted about it on social media. When I met with a financial advisor a few days ago, he remembered I’d done the climb and asked how it was. That tiny interaction made me feel known and remembered. It made me like him a bit more. That’s the whole point.

“Remembering small details is one of the easiest ways to show someone you care. It says: ‘You matter enough for me to remember,’” Lee writes in a piece for CNBC.com. That’s just one of five smart tips she gives for being more likable.

Others will notice if you focus on them.

While it’s worth checking out all of them, I love the her suggestion to remember details about the other person. For one thing, it’s extremely effective. It will make you stand out because most people don’t do it. It forces you to take an interest in the other person’s life even while you’re mentally wrapped up in your own projects and priorities. And it requires you to really listen to what they say, rather than letting your mind wander off to whatever you’re planning to say next, or any other distraction. You need to focus on them. Consciously or not, they’ll notice that focus.

What if you aren’t good at remembering things? Lee has an excellent suggestion. “After a meeting or casual chat, jot down one detail you learned about the other person.” You can use a note pad, the back of the other person’s business card, or a note taking app on your phone.

If you’ve had an online meeting, it’s even easier. Chances are you’ll have a recording and transcript, and likely AI-generated notes as well. So if you miss your chance to write something down during or right after the meeting, you can use those resources to find out something interesting about each person who participated.

Don’t fake it.

If possible, find items that genuinely interest you. People can often tell when you’re faking enthusiasm for something, so don’t do it. If someone mentions that they just wrote an article about, say, botany, and you think that’s the most boring subject in the world, don’t ask them about the article. Instead, find something else that you can mention or ask about. Or perhaps ask how they got interested in botany, which will help you learn about them.

Will dropping facts about other people into your conversation feel awkward? It might, at first. It may take a few tries to figure out how to do it gracefully. It’s worth the effort, though. When you show people that you care about the details of their lives, it can have a big effect.

There’s a growing audience of Inc.com readers who receive a daily text from me with a self-care or motivational micro-challenge or tip. Often, they text me back and we wind up in a conversation. (Want to know more? It’s easy to try it out and you can easily cancel anytime. Here’s some information about the texts and a special invitation to a two-month free trial.) Many of my subscribers are entrepreneurs or business leaders. They know what an asset it is to have people like you and want to interact with you. Showing them you care enough to remember the details of their lives can be a great way to make that happen.