Ten thousand days

Experiencing a lot of low days lately. When I get depressed like this, it ends up feeling like this is how it’s always been and how it always will be. I know that’s probably not true. I hope I’m on the right path. Right now it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I need to be prepared to leave my family and never look back. Maybe I let myself believe this is as something it wasn’t. If I’m not allowed to talk, why am I even here? Is this a real relationship or are we both just imagining good partners and faking the rest when reality doesn’t match? I felt like this a lot back when I was out on my own. Sleeping in my car, looking for work and a place to stay. Felt like I never really had any meaningful connections. Felt like I should just get arrested and go some time without trying to fill out applications and pay bills. Just not doing that well right now and trying to get a few more days ahead. Maybe I’ll feel better.