OK, as a as a dating coach doing this for over 25 years, I have heard and seen quite a bit.
· When Carol*, 47, an architect in Texas came to me last month, she asked me why she hadn’t yet met the “one” yet despite being online for a year.
· Issue #1: Each man she had met in the last 6 months, she thought was the “one” …after the first date!
· Issue #2: She so much wanted to find love; she told me she was falling in love after each first date.
Carol is a positive, smart lady—-and I could go on and on with more she told me about her first dates, but falling in love after or during the first date? Uh-Uh. No way. That’s Hallmark movie stuff. Or desperation. Or many more adjectives.
So, let’s just jump in with mistakes (men, I’ve got you in the next article!):
1. Looking for a perfect partner
So, I am online working with a client…and this happens many times—as we are looking at potential online dates, they find something wrong with every single man. He’s an inch too short, he rides horses, his hair is receding, I don’t like photo #5 he posted. My solution? Rarely do you look at someone online (come on, it’s a photo and a written dating profile) and say wow, there’s a 95% chance I’m going to (like) love him. No, it’s the ones you are on the fence with—the 50/50’s that turn into sometime great first dates!
2. Talking about medical issues
What. Why. Unless you are showing up with an arm cast from a pickleball incident, absolutely no reason to talk about your health past. Remember, this is to be fun, not a medical consult.
3. Pretend interest in things you have zero interest in
Lauren 39, went on date last week and she liked Jerry—he had just gotten back from a golf trip to Scotland and was super excited talking about it. She told him she loved golf and was thinking of taking lessons. He texted for a second date—she texted me in a tizzy. “Andrea, how am I getting out of this golf thing? I hate golf”.
4. Trying to change him
Do you want him to change you? Like my daughter’s first grade teacher said about lunch “You git what you git and you don’t throw a fit”. If you really like him, why would you want to do this? Carmen told me she wished he was more outgoing. You can’t do a darn thing about that. I always say the only thing you can change….is some of their clothing!
more……..
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5. Trusting too fast
Trust takes time. You don’t even know him yet and we try to put our best foot forward on the first date. Trust is not about words, but actions. Does he call when he says he’d call? He mentions planning something for July 4 weekend. Does he come through? Those are actions that inspire trust.
6. Too many drinks
Trina gets nervous on first dates. So, she pre-games with a cocktail. On her last date, she had 3 glasses of wine. You don’t want to be sloppy so come up with a better way to deal with nerves on a first date. I have an idea—go on lots of first dates and your confidence level will skyrocket
7. Inviting him over too soon
Most likely, a second date is too soon—unless it’s a party at your home. A second date invitation, cooking him dinner—well, too much, too soon. 99% of the time.
8. Not being positive
This can be so many things—from bashing an ex, bashing the dating site you are on, complaining about the weather. Major turn-off.
Bonus tip: Be gracious! Thank you is a big turn-on.
Have questions or comments? Please add them below as I’d love to hear what you are thinking.
Happy Dating!
Warmly,
Andrea McGinty
Founder, https://www.33000dates.com
Founder, It’s Just Lunch (sold)
Over 25+ years coaching singles with dating and relationships
*All names and locations are always changed
#datingcoach #datingmistakes #datingexpert #datingtips #onlinedating
Andrea McGinty
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